The Day I Was Published. (And Why I Need to Get Thicker Skin)

Two weeks ago I had my very first article get published at RELEVANT.  It is such a tiny step in a lot of ways - there are so many wonderful writers in the world who get published all the time.  But this first time was special to me.  It was special, but it was also a bit crazy and scary.

It was a very normal day.  I did laundry.  I ran to Target.  I got a migraine.  I picked up the toddler's food off the floor.  I skipped writing to huddle in bed watching Sherlock and tried to get rid of the shakes that accompanied the migraine.

But at the same time I was watching the article and seeing as people read it and responded.  It absolutely astounded me to see my words valued and see that my story resonated with people.

Most amazing to me was the fact that men (PASTORS, even) shared my article.  I know it is silly since I'm both a feminist and an egalitarian, but it is still a surprise to me when Christian men think I have valuable thoughts and bring something to the table.  That's sad, right?  I so deeply want my (imaginary) daughter to grow up feeling valued and important in Church and to know that her words matter.

When the article went live, I knew, of course, that I would get negative comments.  What I didn't know is how much they would sting.  I didn't know that sharing my story gave people permission to comment on my marriage and my life and make assumptions based on what they read.  But that's what they did.

A few days after it was published, one of the negative comments was still bothering me.  Every time I thought about that comment, it was as if those words were being etched into my heart.  I cried in the car, feeling vastly misunderstood and mostly worrying about the negative words affecting my family.  My husband had read and approved the article before I submitted it because I knew that this story wasn't just about me.  But had I made the right choice in sharing our story?  

As I drove, I kept listening to Aubrey Assad's song "I Shall Not Want" and the line where she asks to be delivered "from the need to be understood."  It resonated with me that day as I just wished I could sit down with those negative commenters and tell them all the bits of the story that didn't fit in the article.  I was sure they would understand then.  I needed them to understand.

The image of the negative words being etched into my heart wouldn't leave my mind.  But then, in an uncharacteristic Charismatic moment, I felt God tell me something.  I was suddenly sure that those words weren't allowed to remain on my heart and burn their way into my life.   My identity is found in Christ and he has already told me what he thinks of me.

I know that the more I wrote, the more negative comments I will receive.  And I also know that I need to let them go.  Writing has connected me to God and has been a way for me to "work through my salvation with fear and with trembling."  Writing has connected me to people, both other writers and people who have resonated with my story.  And, truthfully, I've always been a writer in some form or another.  In the past it has just been in the form of journals.  I am healthy and happy when I write.  And that is the reason I continue to write.

Pets and Military Life

My toddler son adores dogs.  He is absolutely head-over-heels in love with any dog he meets.

My husband never had a dog growing up, but since we met he has told me how he always wanted a dog named Spot.  (I was completely annoyed that he wanted to name his dog Spot because I thought it was completely unoriginal.  I still hold to that argument.)

We thought about getting a puppy.

But...we're a military family!  We want to live overseas and know that it can be a big hassle to get pets overseas as they need special shots and (depending on where you go) they have to be quarantined for several weeks.  I know that when my husband deploys I want to be free to travel to see family without having an extra living being to worry about.  The bottom line was that we knew we wanted to be 100% committed to a dog before we added one to the family and we aren't sure that it is the right time for us.  Still I knew how happy dogs made my son and I wanted to capitalize on his excitement.

We found a compromise.  We fostered a darling puppy for a couple weeks.  He was, of course, dubbed Spot.  A couple of weeks of fostering was just long enough to remind me that I am absolutely NOT ready to commit to a dog longterm this year.  Whew.  Between the puppy and the toddler I used an inordinate amount of paper towels those two weeks.

Spot has since found a forever home (and we've gone back to sleeping through the night).  But our experience has made me wonder about pets and military life.  Is it a good idea for military families to have pets?

A week or so before Spot arrived we acquired a Beta fish from a family PCSing overseas, which is just another example of pets and military life not being the best fit.  Still, I would hate to tell my children that they could never have pets because of their dad's career choice.  And having a pet may be comfort and constant in their lives that will routinely be "interrupted" by PCS and deployments.

So now I'm asking you: What have you decided about pets and military life?  Do you have any advice for us??

building resilience in Air Force families

Yesterday I wrote about my emotional bathtub and how sometimes a lot of little stressors add up to be a big deal.  Tomorrow I'll have one more post about resilience, so check back for that!

Today I’m writing about Resilience, which is important for all of us, but especially for military families.  I'm partnering with the Offutt Spouse Resilience team.  I received no compensation for writing this post and all opinions are my own.  

Resilience is like finding the plug on that emotional bathtub.  The water (stressors) will keep on coming and it might not drain as quickly as you’d like, but by keeping it unplugged, you ensure the bathtub isn’t going to overflow.

Let’s be honest here: as military families, we all know that Murphy’s Law is never truer than during deployment.  Here’s one example: on the very day her husband was set to deploy (again), my friend found out that their house had a natural gas leak, the dog needed emergency surgery, and her children had the stomach flu.  Talk about an overwhelming day!

Here at Offutt AFB, resilience has been the new buzzword!  Our Wing Commander and his wife have championed a Resilience program that has been growing over the past few months.  Active Duty members can be trained in 12 modules and become a Resilience Training Assistant (RTA), qualified to help teach resilience to their squadron.  Two spouses, Aimee Salter and Joy Draper, have taken on the task on making resilience training for spouses.  These ladies have been through the RTA training and adapted it into five modules that are most applicable to military families.

Resilience training, according to Aimee is “about learning how to effectively deal with stress and challenges we face on a daily basis, increasing effective communication, and strengthening healthy relationships.”  Joy wrote about the resilience program saying: “The training is based on the four pillars of Comprehensive Airman Fitness - Physical, Social, Spiritual, and Mental… Our goal is to build stronger families in today's Air Force. These training modules will help build a toolkit for handling every day difficulties that pop up. We hope to reach out to the spouses and assist them in becoming more resilient and, therefore, benefiting the active duty members, the squadrons, and the mission of the Air Force.”

I’ve been through three of the modules already and am planning a resilience briefing for our squadron.  I love how Aimee and Joy are passionate about resilience because they’ve needed it in their own lives!  They give practical and easy steps to start practicing resilience in your family.  Resilience is something we all need – it isn’t just for families in crisis.  Learning these techniques and incorporating them into your family life will build a solid foundation that will make you a stronger individual, which, in turn, makes a stronger family and a stronger Air Force.  I asked Aimee and Joy if they would let me share about this program on my blog because I believe that it can make a difference. 

To find out more about the Offutt Spouse Resilience, check out their Facebook page (and ‘Like’ it to stay updated on events!!) and also this news article!  I really hope that if you’re stationed here at Offutt you take advantage of this program!  I am passionate about this program so you'll probably see me at some of the events.

And if you’re at another base and think this sounds like something you would like to see at your base, contact your AFRC and ask if there’s anything in the works!

p.s. if you’re a military spouse, take a moment and share your Murphy’s Law moments of deployment, TDY, or PCS!  We all have a story like that, don’t we? 

Click here for the next post in this series!

It's not Christmas until...

Since we were away for the past two weeks, I've been going overboard on everything Christmas for the past few days to make up for the lost time.  While we were gone, we tried to keep up on our Advent reading, but that was about it!  So I have a checklist in my head of things that we MUST do in order for it to feel like Christmas.  Starting with the tree farm...

It's not Christmas until you freeze your tail off at a tree farm and walk around in circles for an hour trying to find the right one.

It's not Christmas until you sing along to Point of Grace 'A Christmas Story' album (preferably while doing something else on the list)

It's not Christmas until you've spent an afternoon (or two or three) baking.

It's not Christmas until you've collected a pile brown paper packages from your doorstep.

It's not Christmas until you spend an evening driving around town to admire lights.

It's not Christmas until you sing carols (bonus points if you know the harmony).

It's not Christmas until you go to a candlelight service on Christmas Eve.


Your turn!  It's not Christmas until you...

happy thanksgiving!

"Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world."

-John Milton

happy thanksgiving from my family to yours!

We hope you are surrounded by those you love and that you fall asleep counting your blessings.

thanksgiving feast

{my mom's famous cinnamon rolls, which are technically sticky buns but we didn't know that until we were older so we call them cinnamon rolls}

My sister and her family are visiting us for Thanksgiving and I cannot wait!  It's going to be great for many reasons, but one thing I'm looking forward to is cooking together.  My entire family likes to cook and try new recipes, but Thanksgiving is about the classics.  When my sister and I talk on the phone, we've planned all of our family favorites.  I don't cook these foods normally (especially not since Whole30!) so I'm looking forward to eating my childhood favorites.

My only concern is how we're going to cook all the food in my kitchen!  Most of it needs to be in the oven at the same time, so I'm getting creative about alternate heating sources like the crockpot.  It's going to be a juggling act to get all of our dishes cooked and serve them warm, but hopefully I'm up for the challenge.  :)

I've made some things ahead of time, like the cinnamon rolls pictured above.  But I'm excited to have a full kitchen on Thanksgiving, even if it's hectic.  I love having my family around and making memories in the kitchen and around the table.  

What's your favorite Thanksgiving side dish?  I'm looking forward to Kentucky spoon bread which I haven't had in YEARS!

repost: gratitude wall

Note: I wrote about our gratitude wall back in April, but thought that re-posting it again (with a few changes) would be a good way to begin Thanksgiving week on the blog.  My apologizes about the iPhone pictures...I was too tired to grab the real camera today and fuss with getting the perfect picture.

{our gratitude wall, complete with a quote from Spurgeon who just so happens to share a name with my son}

For a few years, I kept a gratitude journal.  It was a spiritual disciple as I trained myself to see beauty in discouraging circumstances and identify God's good gifts on a daily basis.  My list lengthened.  Soon I had listed over 1000 things that I was grateful for.  Slowly I fell out of the habit of writing them down.  Life got busy and my writing time grew slimmer.

Then I started noticing how much I was bothered by negative people who couldn't find anything nice to say, but instead focused on criticisms.  Let's be honest:  it's a slippery slope before we're all there.  When I said that gratitude was a spiritual discipline for me, I really meant it.  I have to practice it or I'll never learn.

I decided to transform my gratitude journal into a gratitude wall.  This was it was visible and communal.  We set aside a little wall in our kitchen where we write down our "grateful for's" (as we call them) on sticky notes and are working on covering the wall.  As we fill the space, we are making a visible testimony to God's goodness and reminding ourselves of what He's done.  I can't wait until our son is older and he can participate too.  My husband is the one responsible for writing on the chalkboard.  He doesn't change it often, so it's a bit of a surprise to walk downstairs one morning as see a new quote, note or picture.  

As you can see from the pictures, we've added quite a few since we began.  As our son gets taller, we've had to stop adding them to the bottom because he's learned to pull them off.  Recently we've failed at writing down our thanks.  I still think them in my head and sometimes I even stop in the kitchen to read our old notes hanging there.  I'm sure we won't keep this up forever - after all, we're a military family so we'll probably be moving in the next couple of years.  But perhaps we'll pull the sticky notes out each November as a way to ground our hearts in gratitude. 

{February 2013}                                                {April 2013}

highlight/lowlight

My junior and senior years in college, I was an RA which meant I was in charge of a hall of about 24 girls.  On Thursday nights, all six RAs for our building would meet in our RD's apartment - I have so many memories from that time!  It changed a bit week to week depending on what we had to discuss, but one part that we almost always made time for was our highlights/lowlights (sometimes we called them our roses and our thorns).

The first time I heard someone say highlights/lowlights I though they were talking about getting their hair highlighted!  :)  But it's actually a way to share the BEST and WORST part of your week (or day, depending on how often you share it).

Highlights/Lowlights are something we plan on using in our family.  Most days I ask Caleb about his day this way.  And when Hadden is bigger (i.e. talking!), we want to do the same.  My goal is to live intentionally and this is one way to do that.

Here's why I like this method:

1) It fosters communication. 
   If you ask, "How was your day?", it's easy for the person to respond with a one word answer.  These are conversation starters.

2) It makes time for reflection
  In college, there were times when I rushed into the RA meeting at the last minute and hadn't had time to process the day yet.  But when it was my turn to share my highlight/lowlight, I had to take a moment to think.  Was my lowlight cramming for a test at the last minute?  Hm. Maybe next time I should start studying sooner!

3)  It leads to intentional conversation
   When Caleb tells me his "lowlight", it correlates with what is stressful or difficult in his life.  When I know his stressors, I can better understand him and help to reduce those if possible.  Conversely, if his "highlight" is going for a run, I can make a note that the next time he is stressed, perhaps I should make sure he gets time to go out and run.
  At our RA meetings, it was a way to really understand the other girls and to hear what was going on in their lives beyond simply "hey, how are you?".  It was a way to both rejoice and mourn with each other as sisters in Christ.

This is one of those easy-peasy things to incorporate into your life, whether it be with your spouse, children, friends, small group or whatever.  But I hope that it will foster good conversations if you choose to give it a try!
 

day 614

dear mr. mays,

Happy day 614 of marriage!  :)  Most people write letters like this on anniversaries or birthdays, but I decided that EVERY day with you is worth celebrating.  So why not write you a letter today?

Marrying you was the best decision of my life.  That is NOT saying that the last 614 days have been perfect.  There have definitely been days when we've argued, when we miscommunicated and when we've hurt each other.  There have been days when we question why life seems so hard or why certain things have happened to us.  But even through the hard times, I'm glad that we're on the same team.

My love, I so appreciate you.  You come home at the end of the day and listen to a rundown of all the blogs, articles and books I've read that day and you actually engage in conversations about them.  Thank you for encouraging me and enabling me to get involved as a Key Spouse in the Air Force including helping me make and deliver the meals.  You are gracious and kind and you are an example of selflessness.  Sometimes you surprise me at how well you know me - it shows that you care to see me thrive, not simply survive.  You're a wonderful father to baby Hadden too and watching you two together makes me exceedingly happy.

can't wait to see what the next 614 days together hold!

love,
  miss glorioso (-mays)

article from The Gospel Coalition

Today I happened upon The Gospel Coalition's website.  Although I'm familiar with TGC, I'm not on their website often, but today I was looking for something in particular.  However, an article on the front page grabbed my attention called "Parents, Do You Think Before You Post?" by Jen Wilkin.

Here's an excerpt:

Every day parents use social media and the blogosphere to offer up photos and posts chronicling all manner of child misbehavior, parental frustrations, and mishaps involving bodily fluids. I think these posts are made by well-meaning parents, unaware that they are creating an online identity for their children. But with every post, we construct a digital history of our child's life—a virtual scrapbook for public viewing—and we might want to think harder about the trail we are leaving behind. Do our comments and photos preserve our child's dignity or gratify our own adult sense of comedy? Do we post our thoughts to satisfy a need to vent? Do we miss the truth that our families need our discretion far more than our blog followers need our authenticity?

I've written before about our decision to make a private family blog to protect and respect our son's personhood.  Wilkin's post follows this same theme and is an important read for any parent.

mother's day

Today I'm thinking of my mom and wishing her a happy day.  I'm so thankful for the energy she put into raising six children and how she's passed on to us a love for books, learning and caring for other people, among many other things.  Wish we could be there with you today, Mom!

We're keeping it low-key here today which is exactly how I wanted it.  Just a little time for the three of us to enjoy together.  Some time ago, I read this post about a mother who write a note to her children each year on Mother's Day and I knew I wanted to do the same so Caleb bought me a beautiful moleskin notebook to collect my notes to Hadden.  We are running errands, baking, delivering meals and going on a family walk.

I understand that Mother's Day can be a really difficult day for many people whether they've lost a mother or are wishing to be a mother or are alone today because of deployment, etc.  Today I hope that someone reaches out to you in kind remembrance and that you draw encouragement from that.  

For an interesting read about Mother's Day, here's an article about Anna Jarvis**, who "invented" Mother's Day and how she later fought against it as she saw how it turned into another big marketing scheme.  

**I realize that mental_floss is not the most noteworthy of sources, but I've heard this other places as well...this was simply the place I saw it today. :)

gratitude wall

For a few years, I kept a gratitude journal.  It was a spiritual disciple as I trained myself to see beauty in discouraging circumstances and identify God's good gifts on a daily basis.  My list lengthened.  Soon I had listed over 1000 things that I was grateful for.  Slowly I fell out of the habit of writing them down.  Life got busy and my writing time grew slimmer.

Then I started noticing how much I was bothered by negative people who couldn't find anything nice to say, but instead focused on criticisms.  Let's be honest:  it's a slippery slope before we're all there.  When I said that gratitude was a spiritual discipline for me, I really meant it.  I have to practice it or I'll never learn.

I decided to transform my gratitude journal into a gratitude wall.  This was it was visible and communal.  We set aside a little wall in our kitchen where we write down our "grateful for's" (as we call them) on sticky notes and are working on covering the wall.  As we fill the space, we are making a visible testimony to God's goodness and reminding ourselves of what He's done.  I can't wait until our son is older and he can participate too.

troubleshooting for our family blog

It seems that several people are having trouble accessing our private blog so here's a step by step guide to help you.  :)

1.  Contact me or my husband and let us know that you would like access by giving us your email address (gmail only).  If you don't have a gmail account, just go to gmail.com and you can make one very easily.

2.  An email will be sent that gives you an "invitation" to view the blog and includes a link.

3.  Bookmark the page!  We've been told that the invitation only works once and we have no control over that.  So once you reach the page, save the link somewhere.

4.  Click on the bookmark (or just remember the web address) and when it asks you to sign in with a google account, use your gmail address and password.

If you're still having problems or would like me to resend the invitation (or just email you the direct link), let me know!

thanks giving

(September 2012)

A staff member at our university used to quote one of his professors and tell us that when Christ returns, the only things He will take with Him are God's Word and God's people - so we should invest our lives into those things.  In that spirit, as I have been ruminating on this holiday, I am reminded of the things for which I am most grateful.

In addition to my many spiritual blessings (which really are the most important), the main things I am thanking Jesus for are these two.  I am humbled and awed by the blessings that they've been in my life thus far.  I am undeserving of such grace.

(also thankful for my parents and siblings today and missing all of you very much! go rock that turkey trot!)

mornings with baby

"every little baby is the sweetest and the best."

anne of the island

Mornings are my favorite time with Hadden.  Most days it's just the two of us.  After his morning feeding and a diaper change we head back to my bed.  I open the curtains to let in the morning sun and put my knees up so Hadden can lay facing me.  For the next twenty or so minutes, I sing and talk to him.  We play "this little piggy", although he hasn't quite found the humor in it yet.  He practices holding his head up and "standing".  Sometimes we Facetime Auntie McKenna or Grandy so that they can see how baby is growing up ever so quickly.  Or take pictures to send to Uncle Patrick (because he is pretty much obsessed with his nephew:).  Hadden is so happy in the mornings and it's absolutely darling to see him smile and coo.  Even though it's just been eight weeks since he was born, we already can see him growing up so we try to cherish every sweet moment we have with him.

welcome little one!!

Introducing...

Hadden Elijah Glorioso-Mays

 Our wee one arrived late in the evening on August 3rd (just in time to share a birthday with his Auntie Elizabeth).  We are smitten!!!  He was wide awake for quite awhile, but this afternoon he is only interested in sleeping and being cuddled (I mean, who isn't interested in those things?).    We are all feeling great at this point!  Hadden has blue eyes and light brown hair.  You can't tell it from these pictures, but he has been very expressive when he's been awake - the nurses were laughing at all the funny faces he was given them the first night.  We'll post more pictures later, but here are a couple quick ones.  

From the doctors and residents to the nurses and techs, we've had the best staff during this hospital stay!  Here is the sign for his bassinet that one of the techs made.  :)

Hi, sweet boy!!

Someone is already proving to be a great papa.  ;)  He's been so great through this whole thing.

littlest sister's graduation

Littlest sister,

This weekend you graduate from high school!  I am so proud of you for getting through a hard and busy senior year!  You are strong and wise and ready for the challenge of college so I can't wait to see how your first year goes!  I wish that I could tell you these things face-to-face.  I'd climb in your bed with you and let you rest your head on my shoulder and then we'd talk all about the upcoming year.  Maybe we'll still get the chance to do that later this summer....  But for now, here is my advice to help you through your first year.

Love you dearly, my sister, and I admire your life.  Let's be friends always!!

Originally Posted on May 14th, 2010 for another sister's graduation

Jealously guard how you spend your time to avoid wasting time and burnout, yet allow your schedule to be under God’s control. Your time can be sucked away by being wasted (facebook, etc) or even by “good” things (ministry opportunities). Make time for the Lord, for sincere reading of Scripture, for listening to God, for homework, for ministry, for friends, for fun. Balance these and evaluate if you are making good use of your time. Don’t always measure your use of time by productivity. Stopping a homework assignment to listen to a distraught friend may indeed be the best use of your time at that moment

Become best friends with the library and the librarians. Doing homework in the       library will keep you from getting distracted. Plus, the library is kind of esoteric. It’s nice to be “in”

Find a mentor (older woman on campus/at church) and meet with her regularly (if you can’t find someone right away, ask around for suggestions). Be honest with them and have them hold you accountable

Spend a little bit looking for a church and then just pick one! No church is going to be perfect, so stop looking for it. Once you pick a church commit to staying there during your time at school and GET INVOLVED! They can become your second family. Get involved with music and with the children

Find families who you can be involved with. One of the greatest things I’ve been able to do is babysit for some young couples for free. It has been a huge blessing to them and it’s also good for singles to be involved with families. It broadens your perspective on life. As singles, we need to be investing in (and supporting) the marriages around us.

When you meet someone who seems like they really know Jesus, ask if you can meet them for coffee and hear their testimony

Choose thankfulness for the food. It might not always be your favorite, but it is a gift from God and someone spent time making it for you.

Don’t date for at least a year. Become friends (good friends) with guys, but keep it at that.

Be careful that you don’t encourage girls who have crushes. Think of Song of Solomon where Shulammith (the bride) says to the girls around her “Do not stir up or awaken love until it so pleases”. Encourage the girls around you to make good choices and have level heads. Listen to them, but don’t encourage obsessing over guys (that that boys aren't fun...they just aren't the "end all" of life).

Get to know your professors. Go up and introduce yourself on the first day of class. Stay in contact with them. If they are super cool (i.e. super wise), ask if you can meet them for coffee or a meal.

Avoid girl drama. Nip it in the bud if it starts among your friends. Don’t put up with catty actions and certainly don’t start them yourself. It DOES get hard to live with girls constantly, but that’s not an excuse for sin.

Spend time alone and outside. Grab a blanket and your Bible and spend an hour in a field (obviously I’m from a rural campus!!  You won't really have that option, but you could find a nice park or museum instead)

Get to know your RA and RD. Stop by and talk to them. Write them encouraging notes, etc.

Be careful what movies and TV shows you are watching. Evaluate everything based on Scripture and remember that wasting time is a sin as well.

Make time for a Sabbath each week. Set aside time alone with just you and God. Ignore your phone, homework, friends, etc. Begin this practice early on.

Be kind to everyone and try and get to know a lot of people, BUT realize that you don’t need to be open and honest with everyone. Choose your closest friends wisely.

Realize that you are going to make mistakes. It’s just part of life.

Don’t shy away from classes because you know that they are hard. Hard is good. You learn a lot more.  And (in my experience) the hard professors respect you more because they can tell you respect their subject matter and are working hard.

Spend time with people who think differently than you do (theologically, philosophically, politically, etc).Spend time listening to their arguments. Your views on things are going to expand and broaden at college – that’s good! It is a mark of maturity to be able to have an educated, calm discussion with people who think differently than you. Evaluate EVERYTHING (even your presuppositions) to see how the measure up against the Bible.

Look for the people around campus who don’t get notice (custodians, grounds crew, etc) and thank them for doing their job well. Show them that they are appreciated.

Enjoy these years! They go by so quickly.

When you get stressed and life feel completely overwhelming, take a break to clean your room from top to bottom, wash your sheets and wash your bath towels. Trust me. It helps!

And finally, DON'T FORGET TO CALL YOUR SISTER WITH UPDATES!!! ;)

it's really nice...

...to have a late-night texting conversation with a sister.

 Mr. Mays sleeps peacefully next to me as I wait for my phone to light up with a new message.  Here I am laying in bed late, late at night talking with littlest sister who is miles away from me.

And while we're talking about nice things, I decided today that I am so deliriously blessed to have a circle of support.  In other words, that I have two loving and caring parents and five incredible siblings (not to mention a pretty great brother-in-law and niece) and to top it all off, I have a few close friends who inspire me in hard times (mostly by how they have dealt with hard things in their own lives).

When I was so utterly frustrated with life's circumstances today, I called up mi madre and had a good long chat (well, mostly I talked and she listened very patiently).  And I was reminded to not take her (or any of these people) for granted.    I am eternally grateful for the way that these people have cared about my life. On the days when life is confusing and maddening and I wonder again what God is doing, it is nice to remember that sometimes He works by bringing us encouragement and support through other people.  And that these people, my circle of support, care infinitely about both Caleb and I (and our soon-to-be little one) and are willing to do whatever to support us.  Some days I feel God's love and experience His grace through other people and these family/friends of mine are some of those who do it best.

Isn't it wonderful that (in addition to giving us the Holy Spirit) He gives us people to make the road easier?  In the words of Sara Groves, life with others supporting you is "half as hard and twice as good".

And to littlest sister (who ever-so-sweetly responded to my thanks by simply saying "that's what sisters do!")... you made my night.  let's be sisters always, okay?  i think i'd like to keep you....

(I look completely cheesy in this picture, but that's because I was so happy!!  Thankfully the rest of my family makes up for me ;)

family matters.

When we were little girls, our mom always told us that our sisters would be our best friends.  And it turns out, she was right.  Each day I am more and more grateful for my family and their support (including the fact that they adore Caleb and welcome him without reservation).  Of course, we are not perfect.  But we do support each other and love each other.  There's simply no replacement for my family and I am counting down the days until I get to see them again!

I've been sick in bed and missing my family a lot.  And as I lay here and gestate think about raising a child, I've been reflecting on what made my family so special so that I can try and give my child the same love and support.

TEN THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY FAMILY

1.  If you start singing, someone (or two or three someones) will join in with the harmony.  Or (more often in my case) tell you that you're singing the wrong lyrics or that you were flat.

2.  We eat yummy food.  Basically, we were spoiled growing up because of Mom's cooking.  It's fun when we get together because we share food.  My eldest sister is the only person on earth who has gotten me to eat beans without gagging because she made an amazing corn/bean salad (and now I eat that salad on a regular basis).  My second oldest sister is always coming up with interesting ethnic food options for us to try.  Even with dumb allergies that limit our options, we always have healthy, fresh food (with an occasional bit of junk food thrown in for good measure, of course)

3.  We debate things.  A lot.  Because we all like to study and we all have different opinions.  But the thing about family is that you can get into a fight over politics, but it doesn't really ruin dessert because you all knew that you'd think differently anyway.  I like being in a family with different opinions because they stretch my brain and make me think about issues in a different light.

4.  We text and call a lot.  I talk to my mom at least once a day, sometimes it's a lot more.  And hardly a day passes that I haven't talked with at least one of my sisters.  I'm a little more sporadic about contacting my dad and brother, but I'm trying to work on that.  :)

5.  We have jokes that are probably ridiculously stupid to anyone else.   The other day I texted my baby sister "Ahh!  My arm!  My arm!"  And she knew what I meant.  That's true love, folks.  The last time we were all together, we had a singalong to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.  It was epic.

6.  We make road trips fun.  We listened to hours of Adventures in Odyssey growing up, especially when we were driving.  We played games.  We sang.  We covered our ears and cried as one sister (who shall remain nameless) sang the first line of the Barney song (I love you, you love me) over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.  We got into the car at 4am in our pajamas and looked forward to our morning stop at Cracker Barrel where (if we were really, really lucky) we would get hot chocolate with our breakfast.  :)

7.  We share things.  Like music suggestions, nail polish, scarves, jewelry and sometimes even beds (especially if someone is home from college and we want to have time to giggle and talk under the covers).

8.  We make fun of each other.  And we tease each other about little idiosyncrasies.  But we are also very vocal about our love and appreciation for each other.  There is no question about our appreciation for each other and there is also no awkwardness in expressing it.

9.  We can have fun doing absolutely nothing.  We can sit around for a couple hours but it is always interesting because we're talking, singing, playing games, reminiscing, playing with doggies, etc.  In all honesty, there is never a dull moment.  Something is always happening.

10.  My family is a safe place.  They have been with me as through long, awful medical tests.  They have been there when I've cried about the fact that my health is always going to be sucky.  They have encouraged me to keep going when I wanted to give up.  I've seen them get up in arms when people have hurt me.  When I am with my family, I am free.  I am able to be myself without reservation.

there it is.  my list.  can't wait until the next time i get to see my family!

To my mom

What do I have for you today?

Oh, just a list of a few things I love and appreciate about my mom.

(I like lists. Can you tell?)

1. She spent hours and hours reading aloud to us when we were children and instilled her love of books in all six of her children

2. She worked hard to provide a good education for us

3. She stayed optimistic as we moved to many different towns and made it an adventure, teaching us to "bloom where we are planted".

4. She made sure that all of us were involved in music by driving us to and from piano lessons, vocal lessons, violin lesson, cello lessons, guitar lessons, orchestra, quartets and ensembles, as well as spending lots of time practicing with us and helping us learn.

5. She shared her love for tea with me. Right now I'm enjoying a cup of loose leaf tea (Jasmine Green Tea Pearls - if you haven't tried it, I highly recommend it!)

6. She has sacrificed a lot for me over the years. It is humbling. There is no way I could list all of the ways.

7. She is sad about the prospect of not having me close by someday (that's kind of a selfish one for me, but it's true...I love that she's sad about it because it means that she likes me...and I'm sad not living close by too)

8. She takes time out of her very, very busy schedule to drive two and a half hours one way to spend the day with me.

9. She learned to text so that she could keep up with her children (and she's actually really good at it)

10. She has cooked hundreds and hundreds of homemade meals for us.

11. She has been to all of my doctors appointments and has kept track of my medical files, has made phone calls, and has researched it all.

12. She changed our family's normal diet to accommodate my siblings' food allergies.

13. She has made road trips fun. When we were little, in between Adventures in Odyssey tapes, she would pass around little gifts that she has bought and wrapped for us to keep us all occupied. Even now that I'm old, we still have fun on road trips (even if it's the long, long drive to Minnesota for a Mayo visit)

14. She calls and sends texts on days when I'm sick to let me know that she wishes she was here to take care of me.

Love you, Mommy!