highlight/lowlight

My junior and senior years in college, I was an RA which meant I was in charge of a hall of about 24 girls.  On Thursday nights, all six RAs for our building would meet in our RD's apartment - I have so many memories from that time!  It changed a bit week to week depending on what we had to discuss, but one part that we almost always made time for was our highlights/lowlights (sometimes we called them our roses and our thorns).

The first time I heard someone say highlights/lowlights I though they were talking about getting their hair highlighted!  :)  But it's actually a way to share the BEST and WORST part of your week (or day, depending on how often you share it).

Highlights/Lowlights are something we plan on using in our family.  Most days I ask Caleb about his day this way.  And when Hadden is bigger (i.e. talking!), we want to do the same.  My goal is to live intentionally and this is one way to do that.

Here's why I like this method:

1) It fosters communication. 
   If you ask, "How was your day?", it's easy for the person to respond with a one word answer.  These are conversation starters.

2) It makes time for reflection
  In college, there were times when I rushed into the RA meeting at the last minute and hadn't had time to process the day yet.  But when it was my turn to share my highlight/lowlight, I had to take a moment to think.  Was my lowlight cramming for a test at the last minute?  Hm. Maybe next time I should start studying sooner!

3)  It leads to intentional conversation
   When Caleb tells me his "lowlight", it correlates with what is stressful or difficult in his life.  When I know his stressors, I can better understand him and help to reduce those if possible.  Conversely, if his "highlight" is going for a run, I can make a note that the next time he is stressed, perhaps I should make sure he gets time to go out and run.
  At our RA meetings, it was a way to really understand the other girls and to hear what was going on in their lives beyond simply "hey, how are you?".  It was a way to both rejoice and mourn with each other as sisters in Christ.

This is one of those easy-peasy things to incorporate into your life, whether it be with your spouse, children, friends, small group or whatever.  But I hope that it will foster good conversations if you choose to give it a try!
 

bathtub of emotions

This has been one of the most helpful communication tools in my life so I thought I would share.  I think it's especially good on those days when I am in deep pain and working with people who don't understand what that's like.  I've explained this over and over again when I was an RA and working with girls.  Mr. Mays uses this a lot to understand what I'm thinking and why I'm responding a certain way.

Imagine that you have a bathtub for your emotions and for stress.  Each time something is stressful or upsetting, it adds to the tub.  When the bathtub is full, the reaction comes.  That's your personal limit and you response in anger, frustration, tears, or shutting down.

Each situation of life adds a different amount (and each person can handle different amount of stress).  For instance, if you lost your keys and were late to an appointment, that might have only filled up your bathtub 1/10 of the way.  Another day, your car may have been stolen and that is especially stressful to you, so your tub is half filled by that situation.

Here's the key:  Life piles up.  Stress piles up.


When you lose your keys and you suddenly melt into a puddle of tears, it might be hard for you (and others!!) to understand why that small situation was so upsetting.  After all, it only filled up your bathtub 10% of the way!   But what you've forgotten is that it's not just the lost keys....  Before that happened your emotional bathtub was already filled to 95% with other issues so that last 10% pushed you over the edge and your bathtub was overflowing.


Caleb knows when I'm upset about something to ask how full my bathtub is.  It sounds silly, but it really has helped us!  When my pain levels are up, my bathtub is already filled to about 80%!!!!!  So when something that is seemingly small happens, I can get upset quickly.  It has helped our relationship a lot for him to understand how many "little" issues are filling up that bathtub.



It's a very simple word picture.  But it's proven to be really helpful for me.  Hope that this can help others (especially those dealing with pain).  Chronic pain is debilitating.  When others can't understand, it is isolating.  And it's even worse when you can't even understand yourself.






Photo Credit:  http://mymodernroom.com/tag/bathtub/