Military Spouse Appreciation Day

{photo source via Flikr creative commons license}

You left behind family, friends, and your hometown to join your spouse on this journey.


You understand that your education, your career, and your preferences will always come second to your spouse's career.

You learned all the acronyms just so you can communicate in this esoteric world. 

You know that plans can always change and that most of the time they do change, at least once, so you've learned not to hold any plans too tightly.


You experience heart-wrenching anxiety when you see a strange car drive slowly past your house.

You are a single parent for months on end, all the while assuring your children of things you're not even sure of yourself.

You watch your loved one get on the plane because you have no choice.  And instead you focus all of your energy on counting down the days until homecoming.

You compact your life into dozens of little boxes and watch it all pull away on a truck only to unpack it a few weeks later in a new house, in a new city, in a new state.

You are a military spouse.  And today I'd like to say thank you for the sacrifices you have made.

the best of the month: APRIL

Last month I started a series called The Best of the Month where I share my favorite articles and blog posts from the past month.  Each day I read multiple articles so when I come across one that I really like, I save the link.  At the end of the month I sort through all the links, divide them into categories, and share my favorite from each one.  Hope that you enjoy these reads as much as I did.


PARENTING

Jessica at Jessica Lynn Writes: Hope For My Military Child

This morning I was holding my newborn daughter, and for the first time I felt a twinge of sadness. She didn't choose this lifestyle. Her dad will deploy in the future and leave her for months at a time. Through her tears, I'll have to explain why he left and comfort her when all she wants is him. I love that she'll grow up experiencing new places, but it absolutely breaks my heart that she'll see her family's faces more on a computer screen than in person. 

This may be the life I chose, but I didn't necessarily choose it for her, so I hope I can show her the positive aspects of this military life and I hope they'll outweigh the negative just a little bit. I hope the friends we make across the world will become her surrogate family, giving her the physical hugs, kisses, and playtime when her real family is far away. I hope my husband and I will be a good example as parents so when he jets off for the sandbox she'll know he's coming back to a family bound by love. I hope, whether we move across the world or down the street, that she'll understand—as cliche as this is—that her home isn't defined by an address, but by where her heart is planted.

BLOGGING

Laura at Hollywood Housewife: Blogging is My Favorite: When I Blog

Your favorite bloggers - those that write well, post frequently, or photograph recipes, fashion, or crafts - are spending a lot of time on their blogs. They’re not squeezing it in during naptime. If they don’t have some sort of help...or kids in school all day, I guarantee you that they’re getting up extra early or working late into the night. Solid blogging takes a lot of time. The content itself takes hours, but then if you want anyone to see it you have to have a presence on social media, respond to reader and professional emails, and deal with various backend issues.

FEMINISM

Sandra Glahn at Her.meneutics: The Feminists We Forgot 

This "new woman" is not an invention of second-wave feminism either. Betty Friedan did not start the "woman movement;" Christians did. Motivated by the belief that men and women were made in God's image to "rule the earth" together, these pro-woman, pro-justice believers sought to right wrongs for those who had less social influence.

HEALTH

Eve O. Schaub at Everyday Health: Our Year of No Sugar: One Family's Grand Adventure 

 I wanted to see how hard it would be to have our family — me, my husband, and our two children (ages 6 and 11) — spend an entire year eating foods that contained no added sugar. We’d cut out anything with an added sweetener, be it table sugar, honey, molasses, maple syrup, agave or fruit juice. We also excluded anything made with fake sugar or sugar alcohols. Unless the sweetness was attached to its original source (e.g., a piece of fruit), we didn’t eat it. 

Once we started looking we found sugar in the most amazing places: tortillas, sausages, chicken broth, salad dressing, cold cuts, crackers, mayonnaise, bacon, bread, and even baby food. 

CHRISTIANITY

(I'm including two from this category because there were SO MANY amazing choices - I finally narrowed it down to these two)

Rebecca Wohl at Commission on Biblical Gender Equality: I Can't Change My Spots

I took her hands even tighter into my own and led her to a chair so we could talk. Her sweet spirit and kind words moved my heart, and I could tell we had more to chat about. 

“Well, after all these years of believing that women shouldn’t be in the pulpit, I just can’t change how I feel about that. But your – ,” she hesitated again.

I smiled again and tried one more time, “Sermon?”

 “Ok, for lack of a better word, yes, your sermon was really one of the best sermons I have ever heard, and it challenged me in my faith – imagine that, after 80 years of walking with Jesus.”

I was very humbled and grateful for her generous words, but wanted to push further…  “Ah, thank you so much! It was my true honor to bring God’s Word today. I’m so thankful that the Spirit ministered to you. So you are not sure if women should preach, but you think that maybe, I’m an OK preacher though?” I pushed further.

“Oh yes! The best! But that’s just you honey, I don’t know about any other woman out there.”

“So, if I’m a good preacher, and I am a woman, isn’t it possible that there are other good preachers out there who are women too?”

James Hoskins at Christ & Pop Culture: "God's Not Dead" and the Angry Atheist Professor: That Was Not My Experience 

...I’m concerned that the movie God’s Not Dead perpetuates a false stereotype: that of the bully atheist philosophy professor who is out to destroy every Christian student’s faith. I’m sure there are some of those professors out there. But I doubt that they are a majority. Even if they were, though, I don’t think caricatures and stereotypes are helpful. When we uncritically accept a caricature of someone, we become less gracious people. Instead, we become more dismissive, presumptuous, and defensive. We also become more likely to misinterpret an honest challenge to our faith as an “attack,” and react in a way that is less than winsome.

MILITARY

Kim at She is Fierce: The Sound of a Silent Doorbell

All I could do was wait to see if my doorbell would ring. 

When morning came and it hadn't, I received a phone call confirming that Dh was OK.

What I felt then was almost harder than what I had experienced the entire sleepless night.

 It was the guilt that follows that moment of relief.

Because it wasn't my love, but it was most certainly someones.

It wasn't my heart broken, but the hearts of 4 other families.

MY WRITING

What Kept Me in Church Was Communion

When my eyes locked into the lay minister’s and he said, “Christ’s Body, broken for you,” I believed him.  When I dipped that scrap of bread, humble yet holy, into the communion wine, it sent shivers down my spine.  “Christ’s blood, spilled for you.”  This was the Gospel, simple and true.

It wasn’t a fancy program or a new method to “reach my generation.” It was following the example of Christ when He said, “Do this in remembrance of me.”  And I did: I remembered Him.

When the cynicism of Christianity scabbed over my heart, the simplicity of the Gospel ripped it open again.  In my remembrance of Him, the offenses I held against the modern Church faded away.  

What is the best thing you read (or wrote!) this month?

Pets and Military Life

My toddler son adores dogs.  He is absolutely head-over-heels in love with any dog he meets.

My husband never had a dog growing up, but since we met he has told me how he always wanted a dog named Spot.  (I was completely annoyed that he wanted to name his dog Spot because I thought it was completely unoriginal.  I still hold to that argument.)

We thought about getting a puppy.

But...we're a military family!  We want to live overseas and know that it can be a big hassle to get pets overseas as they need special shots and (depending on where you go) they have to be quarantined for several weeks.  I know that when my husband deploys I want to be free to travel to see family without having an extra living being to worry about.  The bottom line was that we knew we wanted to be 100% committed to a dog before we added one to the family and we aren't sure that it is the right time for us.  Still I knew how happy dogs made my son and I wanted to capitalize on his excitement.

We found a compromise.  We fostered a darling puppy for a couple weeks.  He was, of course, dubbed Spot.  A couple of weeks of fostering was just long enough to remind me that I am absolutely NOT ready to commit to a dog longterm this year.  Whew.  Between the puppy and the toddler I used an inordinate amount of paper towels those two weeks.

Spot has since found a forever home (and we've gone back to sleeping through the night).  But our experience has made me wonder about pets and military life.  Is it a good idea for military families to have pets?

A week or so before Spot arrived we acquired a Beta fish from a family PCSing overseas, which is just another example of pets and military life not being the best fit.  Still, I would hate to tell my children that they could never have pets because of their dad's career choice.  And having a pet may be comfort and constant in their lives that will routinely be "interrupted" by PCS and deployments.

So now I'm asking you: What have you decided about pets and military life?  Do you have any advice for us??

Fort Hood.

(Photo by Josh Plueger of Offutt AFB on Flickr via Creative Commons license)

Our thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected by the Fort Hood Shooting.  As Americans and as a military community, we grieve with you.

"Fort Hood Gunman Was Being Treated for Depression"

It scares me to see headlines like that.

It scares me because I'm afraid this will only increase the stigma surrounding depression and that people will avoid getting help because they are afraid of being labeled.

Please.  Get help.

There is no shame.

The Best of the Month: MARCH

Each month, I'm collecting my favorite posts from around the internet and on the last day of the month, I'll be sharing them here.  Some of these are posts that I deeply resonate with and others are ones that made me think or reconsider.  I'll also be sharing my favorite thing I've written this month.


CHRISTIANITY

Zack Hunt at The American Jesus: Complementarianism: The Church's Segregation Problem

"The language may be slightly – and only slightly – different, but at its core complementarianism is little more than the church’s sanctified version of Jim Crow. 

Like its segregationist forefather, complementarianism is a deceptively eloquent way to keep one group in power (men), while marginalizing another (women) based on an accident of birth (genitals). Where once minorities were “separate, but equal,” now women are “equal, but different.” It’s segregation in the name of Jesus. In the name of the very Christ who shattered the gender divide, women are kept separate from the pulpit, separate from leadership in the church, and separate from leadership in the home."

MILITARY

Kim at She Is Fierce: War is Over (And I'm Not Ready To Reflect)

 "You might tell me of the cost of the war, and how it wasn't worth the lives 

And you will look at me with pity, and you will tell me that I must be so grateful to know he doesn't have to go again. 

You may tell me all of this not to be hurtful, but because you assume it must be true. 

And I won't tell you that you are wrong, because what you think I should feel makes more sense than what I do. 

I will assume, because I am just as set in my thoughts and ways as everyone else, that you don't actually want to hear what it really feels like. 

It really feels like defensiveness. 

Because every time the news reports on how useless it all was, well it seems like that is somehow a personal attack on what my family gave up, which was a tiny sacrifice compared to what other families lost."

PARENTING

Sarah Bessey: In which I don't mind if my tinies see me on the computer

"I don’t feel guilty taking them along when we get groceries or pay bills or drop off library books or help others or any other of the chores and tasks and work that goes into running this little family. 

Maybe my prairie kid work ethic is showing. My grandpa raised our clan to know that truth: work is honourable.Now I’ve rounded that out with the belief that work is also a gift from God, part of our heritage as co-creators with God. Particularly when our work – paid or unpaid – is personally fulfilling, an act of creativity or beauty or usefulness. What a gift to be able to work! 

So, is it a shameful thing for a mother to work on the computer while her children are present? Nope. 

Not only is it not damaging to my tinies to see me – gasp! – working on the computer while they’re here, I believe it’s downright good for them."

RECIPE

Christy at The Girl Who Ate Everything: Swig Sugar Cookies

(Technically these were posted in February, but I didn't make them until March.  Still, SO GOOD!)

WRITING:

Dorcas Cheng-Tozun at the Redbud Writers Guild Blog: Why Writing Terrifies Me - And How That's Changing My Life

"But for me, being a writer is also terrifying. And it is for that very reason that I believe God has called me into it. Like so many things in life, he is using this to both bless and transform me. In particular, he is challenging me to lay down three powerful idols that I have clung to for most of my life: people-pleasing, achievement, and perfectionism."

MY OWN WRITING:

Honesty in a Culture of Church Taboos at RELEVANT magazine

"Churches preach the benefits of living in community, yet we somehow forget that living in true community is guaranteed to be messy and complicated. While we talk of authenticity, Church often remains a place where you can’t be honest. 

Church should be a place muddled with honesty and real-life messiness. And it should be a place where a shame-filled person can find relief. It should be a place where shame loses its power."

What was the best thing you read (or wrote!) this month?

Guest Post: My Story of Resilience

For the past two days I've been sharing about the Offutt Spouse Resilience program here at our base.  The first day I wrote about the bathtub of emotions and the second day I shared how resilience was like pulling the plug on that bathtub.  

Today I have one last post about resilience by Aimee Salter, who is one of the Spouse Resilience Training Assistants (RTA) at Offutt AFB.  

Aimee has been affiliated with the Air Force for 15 years, both as an active duty member and as a spouse.  She currently serves as the Key Spouse for the 1ACCS.  Aimee has a background in behavioral science and holds a Master's of Science in Criminal Justice and Behavior Analysis.  In addition to serving as an RTA and a Key Spouse, Aimee volunteers as a Victim Advocate for victims of sexual assault and domestic violence and also as the Vice President of the Parent-Teacher Organization at her children's school.

My Story of Resilience 

A little over two years ago, I entered into a very difficult and trying time in my life. Around the same time, with the exception of my husband, my support network literally crumbled around me. 

For anybody, this can be pretty rough. But as a military family, it was especially hard.  Sometimes we rely heavily on our surrogate families to be our support when we don’t have to strength to face our situations alone. Watching my support network systematically disappear was nothing less than traumatic. Basically, I was left to carry the stress and burden of the situation alone. 

After a few months, this bled over to my children. They were mirroring my stress. The more I focused on the negative, the more they did. 

One day in the middle of a rant, I stopped. Enough was enough. I was done with the negativity. I was done being angry. I was done letting the people and the situation control me.  

After church, the kids and I went to the store and bought a journal. That evening, we had our first entry into our “Thankful Book.” 

Our "Thankful Book" is a journal where we write down one thing we are grateful for that day.  Each night we take the time to do this as a family. For the first few months, writing in the Thankful Book was a chore and some days, it was a struggle to find even one thing I was thankful for.  However, it got easier. 

By the time the worst of the situation hit us, the Thankful Book was a part of our lives, part of our routine. Hearing what the kids were thankful for and taking the time to reflect on all that I had to be thankful for was exactly what I needed. 

To this day, we still write in our Thankful Book. The kids even have their babysitters write in it when they come over. It is no longer something we “just do”, it is something we choose to do. 

Fast forward to a few months ago when I was presented with the opportunity to go to the Resilience Training Assistant class, to become a Spouse RTA. I wasn’t 100% sure what Resilience was, but I went anyway. Over the course of 3 days, I learned different strategies on how to effectively deal with stress, enhance communication, and strengthen healthy relationships.

However, the biggest lesson for me was the moment I realized that I was practicing resilience every single day and, despite all the things I'm convinced I am doing wrong, there are a few things that I am doing right. We now had a name for our Thankful Book strategy, we were practicing resilience by  “Counting Blessings.” 

Unfortunately, I am not completely through this trying period, but I no longer let it, or the people involved, have control. Through intentionally practicing resilience, I have been able to strengthen my techniques and I am equipped with new strategies to effectively deal with the tough situations that are sure to come my way. 

I know we all face challenges and stressors on a daily basis. I also know we are our own worst critics…this is why I am so passionate about resilience and have helped create and launch the Offutt Spouse Resilience program. My hope is that through the training, spouses will realize they already practice resilience, in one form or another. And I hope they walk away continuing to strengthen their strategies, but also with new strategies in their “tool-kit” to effectively deal different situations they may encounter. 

Thank you, Aimee, for sharing your story with us today!

building resilience in Air Force families

Yesterday I wrote about my emotional bathtub and how sometimes a lot of little stressors add up to be a big deal.  Tomorrow I'll have one more post about resilience, so check back for that!

Today I’m writing about Resilience, which is important for all of us, but especially for military families.  I'm partnering with the Offutt Spouse Resilience team.  I received no compensation for writing this post and all opinions are my own.  

Resilience is like finding the plug on that emotional bathtub.  The water (stressors) will keep on coming and it might not drain as quickly as you’d like, but by keeping it unplugged, you ensure the bathtub isn’t going to overflow.

Let’s be honest here: as military families, we all know that Murphy’s Law is never truer than during deployment.  Here’s one example: on the very day her husband was set to deploy (again), my friend found out that their house had a natural gas leak, the dog needed emergency surgery, and her children had the stomach flu.  Talk about an overwhelming day!

Here at Offutt AFB, resilience has been the new buzzword!  Our Wing Commander and his wife have championed a Resilience program that has been growing over the past few months.  Active Duty members can be trained in 12 modules and become a Resilience Training Assistant (RTA), qualified to help teach resilience to their squadron.  Two spouses, Aimee Salter and Joy Draper, have taken on the task on making resilience training for spouses.  These ladies have been through the RTA training and adapted it into five modules that are most applicable to military families.

Resilience training, according to Aimee is “about learning how to effectively deal with stress and challenges we face on a daily basis, increasing effective communication, and strengthening healthy relationships.”  Joy wrote about the resilience program saying: “The training is based on the four pillars of Comprehensive Airman Fitness - Physical, Social, Spiritual, and Mental… Our goal is to build stronger families in today's Air Force. These training modules will help build a toolkit for handling every day difficulties that pop up. We hope to reach out to the spouses and assist them in becoming more resilient and, therefore, benefiting the active duty members, the squadrons, and the mission of the Air Force.”

I’ve been through three of the modules already and am planning a resilience briefing for our squadron.  I love how Aimee and Joy are passionate about resilience because they’ve needed it in their own lives!  They give practical and easy steps to start practicing resilience in your family.  Resilience is something we all need – it isn’t just for families in crisis.  Learning these techniques and incorporating them into your family life will build a solid foundation that will make you a stronger individual, which, in turn, makes a stronger family and a stronger Air Force.  I asked Aimee and Joy if they would let me share about this program on my blog because I believe that it can make a difference. 

To find out more about the Offutt Spouse Resilience, check out their Facebook page (and ‘Like’ it to stay updated on events!!) and also this news article!  I really hope that if you’re stationed here at Offutt you take advantage of this program!  I am passionate about this program so you'll probably see me at some of the events.

And if you’re at another base and think this sounds like something you would like to see at your base, contact your AFRC and ask if there’s anything in the works!

p.s. if you’re a military spouse, take a moment and share your Murphy’s Law moments of deployment, TDY, or PCS!  We all have a story like that, don’t we? 

Click here for the next post in this series!

my emotional bathtub (is overflowing)

**This post in an introduction to the posts that will follow on Tuesday and Wednesday, which are especially important if you’re stationed here at Offutt AFB.  I’m partnering with the Offutt Spouse and Partner Resilience team to spread the news about their incredible program.  I’ve written on the bathtub of emotions a few times in the past, but this post was original**

(image source)

It was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

On a normal day, my husband being late from work wouldn’t be a big deal.  But today, everything was piling up.

It was Friday and the end of a long, long week.  My son had been sick for a few days so we had been stuck inside to keep our germs contained.  Earlier in the week he had just wanted to be snuggled, but today he was feeling a bit better.  In fact, he was feeling just well enough that he was grouchy! Every few moments he collapsed into a puddle of tears if I didn’t know what he wanted or didn’t help him quickly enough.

My chronic pain had flared up again and a migraine was on its way, dizzying my sight.  My son took a ridiculously short nap, which meant I had a long list of work that still needed to be done.  Usually I would have grabbed a coke to help a bit with the migraine, but this week we were not eating sugar, so that wasn’t an option.  My husband told me he would be home early only to have a last-minute emergency that meant he stayed much later than normal.  I was ready to tap-out of the parenting thing (actually the life thing) for just a few minutes of respite, but it just wasn’t going to be happening right then.

“My bathtub is full.” I told my husband over the phone.  He knew what that meant.

Years ago, I heard that phrase from an allergist, describing how people with food sensitivities can eat little bits of a food and feel okay as long as those little bits don’t add up to equal a serious reaction.

I have adapted the phrase for my emotions.  Have you ever cried over a glass of spilled milk only to chide yourself for being upset over something so innocuous?  Usually, if you trace back over the last few days, you realize that the spilled milk was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.  So you aren't crying over just spilled milk.  

Going back to the bathtub analogy, stress is like water in a bathtub.  Each stressor might only add a couple inches of water, but when you have five or six different stressors, it adds up quickly.  When my chronic pain was at a peak, it felt like each day started with my bathtub three-quarters of the way filled.  I had such little room for extra stressors so I found that little things upset me far more than they should have.

A bathtub for emotions is a silly metaphor, but it works for me.  Countless times it has helped me communicate my stress level to my husband with just that one sentence: "My bathtub is full."

Do you have a similar phrase or metaphor for dealing with stress?

**Click here to read Part Two to hear how thisrelates to resilience in the Air Force**

You're an Air Force Key Spouse! Now What?!

**Do you ever have posts that you're just not proud of?  This is one of those to me and I really hesitated to post it because I'm not getting it to flow correctly.  BUT...I've decided to click 'publish' in spite of that because I think that it has some good information that could help someone**

It's been over a year since I became the key spouse for my husband's Air Force squadron.  I love being able to represent the families in our squadron and find out how we can support them.  Since I'm passionate about this program, I thought I'd share a bit about being a Key Spouse (KS) and some of the things that have worked best for our squadron.

There are many squadrons that have an active KS program and lots of involvement from spouses, but, so far, I haven't been part of one of those.  I hope that by the time we leave I'll be able to pass on a more robust program to the next KS.  If you're part of a larger program, I'd love to hear your suggestions and hear how you get people involved!

(While reading this, please remember that I cannot give any specifics about our squadron.  There is a reason that certain things seem vague.  Give an unspecified number of cheers for OPSEC ;)  And if you get that joke, you are a super nerd, like me.)

Let me start with this: The most important requirement for being a Key Spouse is a desire to help families.  That's it!  It's helpful if you have extra free time, or have been an Air Force spouse for awhile.  But honestly?  You'll go through training that will teach you the basics.  And if you don't know the answer to something, you can usually find out with a couple of phone calls to base agencies.  If you care about other Air Force families and want to help them, you've got a great start!

The first step to becoming a KS is to talk with squadron leadership.  The First Sergeant will know if there are current KSs and if your squadron needs more.  All KSs are appointed by the commander, so before you can receive your appointment letter, you usually have a short meeting with him/her.  After that, you'll go through about 6-8 hours of training through AFRC.

Usually they try to team up several newer Key Spouses with an older KS mentor who can show them the ropes, but that didn't happen in my case.  When I was first selected to be a Key Spouse, I had to learn on my feet since I was the only KS in our squadron.

Here are a few other tips I've learned along the way:

1.  Start a private Facebook group

I was reluctant to join FB again after a year or so of being off it.  But it has been a great way to connect with families in our squadron!  We made a private FB group and, as I meet people, I am slowly adding people to it.   From there we can make announcements, plan events, share meal sign-ups, etc.  It's also a good way for everyone to familiarize themselves with other people in the squadron.


2. Attend all the events you can and Get out of your comfort zone by meeting at least one new person each time

Since I'm the only KS in our squadron, I don't know all of the families yet.  Ideally, there are enough KSs in a squadron to each be responsible for a manageable group of families, but it just doesn't work out that way all the time.  I try to attend as many events as I can and meet at least one new person each time.  Many time, though, I end up meeting four or five new families.  Last week I went to one of my husband's soccer games and, while chasing my son on the sidelines, met another young mom from our squadron.

To be honest, I'm always nervous meeting new people.  I seem like an outgoing person, but I have to pysch myself up to introduce myself to strangers.  Most of the time, however, I'm really glad that I did start the conversation.  The squadron gave me business cards to hand out, so I'm trying to do better about keeping those on hand when I'm at events so people can connect me with after the fact and join our FB group.


3.  Help during deployments

This is my biggest area of responsibility in our squadron.  When someone deploys, I connect with their family and find out how we can help them.  Usually this includes passing information on about base and squadron events so they stay connected.  Additionally, I've dropped of meals every week or two for families with small children - sometimes the parent at home just needs a night off of cooking!  When we've had a major snowstorm I've organized airmen to shovel driveways for the families of the deployed.  And I've provided last minute babysitting when people are in a pinch.

We also offer meals or other support when someone has been in the hospital or sometimes when a new baby comes. The KS program was started to better support families in the Air Force.  Since most of us live apart from our hometowns and apart from extended family, we want to be the Air Force family that is there to help when you need it.


4.  Recognize that some people don't want your help.  And that's okay.

Sometimes this is a family's fourth deployment and they have a system down that works for them.  That's great!  While there's no shame in needing help, there's also no shame in being self-sufficient.  I still have to call these families and check in occasionally, but if they are doing great, that makes my job a little easier.

On the other hand, some people will very politely say that they don't need help, but you'll later find out that they were struggling.  This is the *hardest* part of being a KS for me!  I want to help people and I have a bunch of resources, but really need people to be honest with me!  Depending on how many people we have deployed (and how many of them are self-sufficient), there are times when I could be doing a lot more for a family if I only knew that they wanted it.


5.  Find out when newcomers are coming to the squadron and meet them

This is a new one for me, but I think it is going to work out well.  Your squadron should assign a sponsor to each incoming member who is responsible to help them transition smoothly to the new base.  If the sponsors have the KSs contact information, they can pass it along to incoming members with families.  That way the families will have someone to call for those few weeks in a new town (like when you have to give an in-town emergency contact to your children's school and realize you don't know anyone in-town!).

Talk with your First Sergeant about how incoming members in-process to the squadron.  Is there a chance for you to meet them on their first day?  Or could the squadron email you their address so you could stop by to meet them and drop off some cookies as a housewarming gift?

Unfortunately, it is easy for people to fall through the cracks.  Sometimes when an airman is in-processing he doesn't even mention that he has a family.  Sometimes the communication just doesn't happen between the First Sergeant and me, especially if one of us is out of town or sick.  Plus, since families are constantly coming and going in the Air Force, the roster is always changing.  I've been introduced to the squadron several times at events, but there are still many people who haven't even heard of the KS program.  If you're in a squadron right now and are feeling neglected, take the first step and contact your KS and ask how you can get involved!


6.  Events for the spouses

Planning events in the Air Force is hard because, often, you put a lot of work into an event and end up having a small turnout.  It is disappointing, to say the least, and sometimes you see personal money and a lot of time being wasted.  So it's probably better to start with a few smaller events to gauge interest.  You can plan a casual get-together at your house and ask everyone to bring a snack food to share.  Then leave the schedule open for people to mingle.  This could work out well if you start a FB group like I mentioned above so people can meet the other spouses in the group.

Depending on what your squadron's work entails, you could arrange a tour of all the work centers so they can better understand what their spouse does and how it fits into the bigger picture of the Air Force.

We had an information night for spouses recently and our leadership liked it so much that they want to do it again.  We invited all the spouses to come and hear from different agencies on base.  There are SO many resources available on base for Air Force families.  Invite a representative from different agencies to hear about what they offer for spouses.  Here are a few suggestions: Airmen and Family Readiness Center, Sexual Assault Response Center, Casualty Assistance, Education Office, Legal Office, Exceptional Family Member Program, Chaplain, OPSEC coordinator, etc.  Additionally, you can give an overview of military structure and explain what it is that your squadron does.


7.  Join a sister squadron

If you're having low participation for your events and tired of planning parties where only a few people show up, consider working with another squadron or even with your group (depending on how big it is).  By joining with another squadron, you have at least one more KS to work with and will double your efforts (and your attendance).  We've done this recently and I've been able to work alongside an awesome KS!  It's been encouraging to have someone else to talk things over with and to get advice from.  This could be really helpful for bigger events like an information night.


8.  Have a monthly meeting with CC or other KS

Once a month, try to connect with your squadron commander, your First Sergeant, and/or the other KSs you work with.  This ensures that you stay up to date on what's happening in the squadron and that leadership stays informed as well.  I usually ask them: "Is there anything else I can do to better support our families?"

9.  Keep a log off all your information.

Find a system that works best for you and then stick with it!  I have a 3 ring binder for all of my KS things so I store people's contact information in there.  I also use Google calendar to keep track of how often I contact people, what meals I bring them, etc.  (Although to be honest, I usually forget to update that and end up filling in a month's worth of contact at the same time :/ )


I hope this will encourage you to look into the program and find out how you can get involved!


**One note: I'm sure that the other branches of the military have similar programs, but I'm not sure what they're called!  If any spouses from other branches read this, I'd love for you to comment and tell me about your programs!