repost: gratitude wall

Note: I wrote about our gratitude wall back in April, but thought that re-posting it again (with a few changes) would be a good way to begin Thanksgiving week on the blog.  My apologizes about the iPhone pictures...I was too tired to grab the real camera today and fuss with getting the perfect picture.

{our gratitude wall, complete with a quote from Spurgeon who just so happens to share a name with my son}

For a few years, I kept a gratitude journal.  It was a spiritual disciple as I trained myself to see beauty in discouraging circumstances and identify God's good gifts on a daily basis.  My list lengthened.  Soon I had listed over 1000 things that I was grateful for.  Slowly I fell out of the habit of writing them down.  Life got busy and my writing time grew slimmer.

Then I started noticing how much I was bothered by negative people who couldn't find anything nice to say, but instead focused on criticisms.  Let's be honest:  it's a slippery slope before we're all there.  When I said that gratitude was a spiritual discipline for me, I really meant it.  I have to practice it or I'll never learn.

I decided to transform my gratitude journal into a gratitude wall.  This was it was visible and communal.  We set aside a little wall in our kitchen where we write down our "grateful for's" (as we call them) on sticky notes and are working on covering the wall.  As we fill the space, we are making a visible testimony to God's goodness and reminding ourselves of what He's done.  I can't wait until our son is older and he can participate too.  My husband is the one responsible for writing on the chalkboard.  He doesn't change it often, so it's a bit of a surprise to walk downstairs one morning as see a new quote, note or picture.  

As you can see from the pictures, we've added quite a few since we began.  As our son gets taller, we've had to stop adding them to the bottom because he's learned to pull them off.  Recently we've failed at writing down our thanks.  I still think them in my head and sometimes I even stop in the kitchen to read our old notes hanging there.  I'm sure we won't keep this up forever - after all, we're a military family so we'll probably be moving in the next couple of years.  But perhaps we'll pull the sticky notes out each November as a way to ground our hearts in gratitude. 

{February 2013}                                                {April 2013}

gratitude wall

For a few years, I kept a gratitude journal.  It was a spiritual disciple as I trained myself to see beauty in discouraging circumstances and identify God's good gifts on a daily basis.  My list lengthened.  Soon I had listed over 1000 things that I was grateful for.  Slowly I fell out of the habit of writing them down.  Life got busy and my writing time grew slimmer.

Then I started noticing how much I was bothered by negative people who couldn't find anything nice to say, but instead focused on criticisms.  Let's be honest:  it's a slippery slope before we're all there.  When I said that gratitude was a spiritual discipline for me, I really meant it.  I have to practice it or I'll never learn.

I decided to transform my gratitude journal into a gratitude wall.  This was it was visible and communal.  We set aside a little wall in our kitchen where we write down our "grateful for's" (as we call them) on sticky notes and are working on covering the wall.  As we fill the space, we are making a visible testimony to God's goodness and reminding ourselves of what He's done.  I can't wait until our son is older and he can participate too.

thanks giving

(September 2012)

A staff member at our university used to quote one of his professors and tell us that when Christ returns, the only things He will take with Him are God's Word and God's people - so we should invest our lives into those things.  In that spirit, as I have been ruminating on this holiday, I am reminded of the things for which I am most grateful.

In addition to my many spiritual blessings (which really are the most important), the main things I am thanking Jesus for are these two.  I am humbled and awed by the blessings that they've been in my life thus far.  I am undeserving of such grace.

(also thankful for my parents and siblings today and missing all of you very much! go rock that turkey trot!)

the perfect evening

It was the perfect evening to be at the beach.

I needed to get of the house; away from people and from artificial lights and, for just a short while, escape normal life.  And so we walked the pier.  Silently.  Slowly.

I paused halfway down the walk and closed my eyes.  The sun shone warm upon my eyelids.  The wind swirled around us blocking out all the sound of traffic and people and even the tinny tune of the ice cream truck that passed by.  We were left with the roar of nature assaulting our senses.  Crashing waves which lulled me half-asleep.  Gulls cawing as they circled around us.  The wind hugged me tight, blowing the hair that had managed to escape from my ponytail.  In the air, a gentle hint of the smell of the Gulf.

I never wanted to leave.

We walked to the end of the pier, still silent.  There the fishermen were out for the evening, rods lined up in a row.  Sailboats dotted the horizon, taking advantage of the fair winds.  To our left, standing nearer the shore, men cast nets in hopes of catching seafood.  I didn't dare open my mouth and ruin the perfect tranquility.

God always seems closest when I am near the ocean.  I could sit silently for hours, unable to utter a single word.  Yet my heart making up for it by penning the most intense and sincere psalm of gratitude.  Gratitude for how He has revealed Himself.  Gratitude for the beauty of the world around me.  Gratitude for life abundant through His sacrifice.  And mostly, gratitude that someday His presence will be far closer to me than it ever is here on earth.

"The Angels of Iraq and Afganistan"

 So thankful for the incredible work that these men and women are doing.

via The Daily

one thousand

It was about 15 months ago that I took up the challenge.  The challenge to have fresh eyes for the world, eyes for beauty.  The challenge for thankfulness.

Could I really find gratitude for 1000 things in my life?

Life was hard.  I had been sick for months and unable to find an answer.  My doctors were in one state, my university in another.  I was barely making it through college, unable to get out of bed some days.  My prayers seemed unanswered.  God seemed far away.  Beauty seemed evasive.  Constant pain meant that my eyes were always focused on myself, on my circumstances.

In this time I read her words.  I read her own search for gratitude, for seeing the everyday common graces that really aren't so common after all.

I started counting.

1.  soft and soothing cello music quieting my soul
2.  getting lost in a bookstore and losing track of the real world for an hour
3.  prayer that comes from so deep within that there are no words - simply the aching and yearnings of a heart 

One by one, I added to the journal the graces I was experiencing.

32.  tear-stained bible pages
33.  rustling leaves in the wind 

The list grew.

118.  laundry flapping in the breeze
119.  repairing rather than starting anew
120.  a majestic tree spreading its limsb
121.  engagement stories
122.  reading books aloud to the borrowed child

I began to see God in the everyday.  I began to see echoes of Eden and glimpses of heaven.  Truer still, I learned to give thanks in the midst of hard circumstances and see beauty in the midst of pain.

408.  skirts with pockets
409.  a song for the day
410.  doctors who listen

Was I learning?  Yes.  Had I arrived?  Absolutely not.  Sometimes a week would go by where I would neglect my little gratitude journal, and worse yet, neglect my search for gratitude.  But I pressed on.

797.  being reminded that "there is no condemnation in Christ"
798.  bestowing on others the grace I relish
799.  growing in wisdom together

998.  reminders taht the best I have to offer is Jesus
999.  a clean kitchen
1000. learning familiar words in an unfamiliar language 

1,000 graces later, I still have not arrived.

Life certainly has changed since I began that list; I wish I could say that the tune of my heart is always a thankful one.  Instead, I can only say that I am still practicing gratitude each day.  But it has made a difference.  Weren't we commanded over and over again to give thanks?

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication

with thanksgiving

let your requests be made known to God"

Philippians 4:6

"Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it

with thanksgiving."

Colossians 4:2

"...give thanks in all circumstances;

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

I Thessalonians 5:18

"For everything created by God is good,

and nothing is to be rejected if it is received

with thanksgiving."

I Timothy 4:4

Mayo Clinic Trip - Day 2

It was a long day.

Tomorrow will be even longer.

: /


Let's start with the not-so-fun parts about Mayo.  Today was exhausting.  Although we only had two appointments, we were racing back and forth all day.  Here's a quick schedule to give you an idea of what we went through.  (skip this next part if you're in a hurry).

**take shuttle to mayo.  talk to lady at information desk.  ride up elevator to floor 5.  walk into the next building.  talk to dermatology lady.  wait.  take elevator down about 6 floors.  walk two buildings over.  stand in line.  wait.  give five viles of blood.  walk back through the two buildings.  take shuttle to st. mary's.  get brunch.  walk two buildings over.  wait.  talk to receptionist.  fill out forms.  wait.  talk to nurse for a loooooooong time.  wait.  talk to nurse practitioner.  wait.  talk to receptionist.  wait.  ride up an elevator.  find out the shuttle isn't coming there today.  go down elevator.  walk back through two buildings.  take shuttle back to mayo.  ride up 5 floors.  talk to receptionist.  wait.  talk to receptionist again.  wait again.  ride down 5 floors.  wait and wait and wait.  board shuttle to go to hotel.**

When you're already hurting and weary, this schedule doesn't really help.  It is also emotionally draining to spend over an hour and half discussing symptoms and talking about how this has completely changed my life.  The medical professors want to know every detail so they make you relive moments that you wish you could forget.  An hour and a half of straight questions (even if they are asked kindly) makes you feel a bit like you are being interrogated.

now onto the good parts about today.  We met some kind people.  The lady in dermatology worked and worked to get me an appointment this week.  There is only one doctor in all of Mayo who works with my condition (that proves how rare it is, I guess!!) and he didn't have any openings.  We prayed and prayer and this lady rearranged things.  We have to stay an extra day, but Mom is hoping that it will be worth it.

The nurse who did my intake interview and exam was SO gentle with my joints and with her on-slaughter of questions, which I really appreciate.


We saw a young mom who had her hands full trying to board a shuttle to St. Mary's with a baby, a stroller, a medical file and a big backpack.  So we offered to help.  She seemed relieved when she accepted.  Incredibly, when we were on our way back to Mayo (hours later) she was on our same shuttle!  We really enjoyed her sweet spirit and getting to help her.


And finally, I had the kindest nurse do my blood draw this morning.  My goal is always to acknowledge my medical staff as human beings so I try to brighten their days, look them in the eyes when we speak and express gratitude for their work.  In the short time it takes to draw five viles of blood, we talked about all sorts of things.


My goal today was to see beauty in the midst of pain.  We slowed to enjoy the beautiful artwork lining the walls.  We read about the history of Mayo and St. Marys.  I updated my gratitude journal.

955.  Funny accents

956.  sweet baby girl waving chubby fingers

957.  tulips standing tall in the wind

958.  blueberry waffle cone ice cream

959.  discussing wedding colors

960.  one who goes above and beyond their job description

961.  Get Well Soon balloon brightening up a hospital

962.  hearing rain falling on the roof

963.  wall filled with detailed, coloring drawings of butterflies

Daily Log:

Hours at Clinic: 8.5 hours

Shuttle Rides: 4

Appointments: 2

There are days when the pain is overwhelming.

Yet worse than the physical battle is the mental one.

My mind regurgitates old thoughts, ones I thought I had dealt with.

this isn't fair.  is God actually good?  i am in this alone.  why me? my body and my soul ache, they long for refreshment.  will it ever be over?  no one understands  will i ever get answers?

I shut myself off from people who care.  Unintentionally, I shut myself off from God.

"Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?"

I am quick to fatigue.  Quick to forget His gifts.  I long for a land that exudes milk and honey and grumble that He isn't providing.  But I am overlooking daily miraculous provision of manna.

He will work.

He will provide.

He will sustain.

It is not a question of whether He will work miraculously.

He can choose to provide a miracle of healing or choose to provide a miracle of grace.  Each are miraculous in their own way.

The real question is whether or not I will have eyes to see it.

goin' on a picnic, leaving right away, if it doesn't rain we'll stay all day!

today is beautiful and fresh! my body is telling me to spend the day in bed, but my heart is overflowing with gratitude for this weather which seems to be an echo of eden. spring is officially here!

a celebration was in order.

so i collected some friends and planned a picnic.

first we're driving to yellow springs to pick up food from this incredible place. yum!!

then we'll head over to John Bryan or perhaps The Gorge and find some lovely little spot to picnic.

caleb and i will end the evening seeing this play on campus.

oh happy, happy day!! hope that your day is just as wonderful.

To my mom

What do I have for you today?

Oh, just a list of a few things I love and appreciate about my mom.

(I like lists. Can you tell?)

1. She spent hours and hours reading aloud to us when we were children and instilled her love of books in all six of her children

2. She worked hard to provide a good education for us

3. She stayed optimistic as we moved to many different towns and made it an adventure, teaching us to "bloom where we are planted".

4. She made sure that all of us were involved in music by driving us to and from piano lessons, vocal lessons, violin lesson, cello lessons, guitar lessons, orchestra, quartets and ensembles, as well as spending lots of time practicing with us and helping us learn.

5. She shared her love for tea with me. Right now I'm enjoying a cup of loose leaf tea (Jasmine Green Tea Pearls - if you haven't tried it, I highly recommend it!)

6. She has sacrificed a lot for me over the years. It is humbling. There is no way I could list all of the ways.

7. She is sad about the prospect of not having me close by someday (that's kind of a selfish one for me, but it's true...I love that she's sad about it because it means that she likes me...and I'm sad not living close by too)

8. She takes time out of her very, very busy schedule to drive two and a half hours one way to spend the day with me.

9. She learned to text so that she could keep up with her children (and she's actually really good at it)

10. She has cooked hundreds and hundreds of homemade meals for us.

11. She has been to all of my doctors appointments and has kept track of my medical files, has made phone calls, and has researched it all.

12. She changed our family's normal diet to accommodate my siblings' food allergies.

13. She has made road trips fun. When we were little, in between Adventures in Odyssey tapes, she would pass around little gifts that she has bought and wrapped for us to keep us all occupied. Even now that I'm old, we still have fun on road trips (even if it's the long, long drive to Minnesota for a Mayo visit)

14. She calls and sends texts on days when I'm sick to let me know that she wishes she was here to take care of me.

Love you, Mommy!

Eyes for Beauty

I rise after another restless night. Hot water soothing aching joints. Streaming water runs down my face washing away the lines left from streaming tears.

C.S. Lewis wrote, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

Sometimes the noise of pain is deafening. It drowns out everything else. In those moments I am reminded that this world is broken, hurting, in need of redemption.

But in the midst of this pain, there is beauty. Beauty is masked by pain, which makes it difficult to see, but it is still there. The writer of Ecclesiastes tells us these are the "portions" that God has given us.

I must fight to have eyes for beauty.

Today I am finding beauty in the beautiful arrangement of lilies he gave me. A lunch date with a couple of my girls, filled with both tears and laughter. Clean laundry. Fresh air flowing through open windows. Sunshine. Purple flats. Sharing cookies.

These moments are the echoes of Eden and the glimpses into Heaven. The lingering aroma of the past and the fragrance of what is yet to come.

These are the moments that fill my gratitude journal.

These are the moments that make my heart sing.

These are my portion for today.

"God is still God and God is still good."

The Story of Zac Smith from Adam Kring on Vimeo.

A year later...

A Story | Tears of Hope from Adam Kring on Vimeo.

I smiled today because of...

...this bed. In my lovely little dream world my child will have a bed like this one day. I would claim it for myself, but I'm afraid I would be tempted to stay in bed forever! It's so darling!





...this wonderful man. He is so, so good to me and I don't deserve him.






...this article. It was a rueful smile because I realized how often I do this in life. What a challenge to embrace the Word wholly and completely. And a challenge to study carefully what I do not understand.


...this website. A charity wedding registry? SUCH a cool idea! I especially think of organizations like Daughters of Cambodia who are redeeming women from the awful world of human trafficking. As you begin a new chapter of life (marriage), wouldn't it remarkable to help give someone else a new and gloriously different life as well?

...an answer to prayer. A chance to rejoice with a beloved mentor. A reminder that God is in control even though life seems so incredibly enigmatic and painful.

practicing gratitude

Delighting in the everyday.

Seeing beauty amongst the ordinary.

Capturing the echos of Eden.

Glimpsing into what waits in Heaven.

Slowing to appreciate fully.

It's not simply capturing and enjoying the moments. It's expressing gratitude to God for them.

Gratitude.

Thanking God for the little things.

Thanking God in the midst of bad things.

We excel in areas we practice. This is my year to practice gratitude. Some days I fail. I keep a journal. A gratitude journal. A list of the things for which I give thanks. (The idea is not my own - I'm terribly uncreative. It is credited to Ann Voskamp)

A few highlights:

177. lunch dates with littlest sister
180. pregnant women, such a visible reminder of waiting expectantly
181. living intentionally with the people around me
185. suffering - Philippians 1:29
187. getting a real letter
200. waking up before the alarm
201. children blissfully unaware
221. happy airport reunions
222. going somewhere new sans GPS
224. an afternoon on a boat
228. flowers as delicate as fairies
229. fresh haircuts
237. dragonflies flitting about
246. laughing so hard it hurts
247. a field of fireflies