A Letter to the Incoming Freshmen Class at Christian Colleges

Dear Freshmen,

A few months ago you were filling out applications for college and comparing the list with your friends.  Last month you started anxiously checking the mailbox for college acceptance letters.  Your prayers may have started getting desperate: "Please, God, let me be accepted to at least ONE school!"  And then, as multiple acceptance letters came back, you realized that you had options!

All of a sudden the theoretical planning you had been doing for the last few years of high school came down to the big decision: which school are you going to choose?  

If you're reading this letter, I'm guessing that you've chosen to attend a Christian college.  Or as my alma mater put it: a Christ-Center learning community ("Because colleges can't be Christian").

I'm excited for you!!  The four years I spent at my university were some of the best of my life.  I have wonderful memories of friends, professors, dorm life, chapel and so much more.  My Christianity became more robust and profound because of friends, professors, and classes that asked me good questions and forced my worldview to stretch in necessary ways.  There is so much good that I could tell you, but I'm guessing you have heard many of those cheesy lines in the brochures and videos your prospective college sent you.  ;)

(A quick note: I've had many family members and friends attend secular universities who also loved their time in college, so I'm not saying that happy experiences are restricted to Christian colleges.  I'm simply writing from my experience.)

Now that I've been out of that the Christian college environment for a few years, I think I've gained some perspective.  I'd like to share a few tips to help you prepare for the upcoming school year.

It's Going To Cost

Christian colleges are expensive.  Many graduates (myself included) spend years paying off those bills.  If you want to reduce those costs, find out what job are available on campus.  That doesn't necessarily mean cleaning dishes in the cafeteria.  Students can join a cleaning crew, work in the library, tutor other students, run soundboards, and more.

It is an INTENSE Christian environment.

Think of Church summer camp on steroids.  It's not a bad thing, but it can feel a bit suffocating and myopic at times.

Go to Counseling.

I would say this no matter where you went to college, but it is especially true if you're attending a Christian college.  Most likely this is the last time in your life that counseling will be free so it is great to take advantage of it.  Don't feel like counseling is reserved for people with "major" issues either - most people have life issues to sort through in their early twenties.  I cannot recommend counseling enough!!  

Majors and Spirituality Don't Correlate.

People who major into Bible-related subjects are not more spiritual than the rest of us.  Some of them are doubters, some are rebels, some will eventually leave the faith, and some are truly sincere.  Knowing the Bible doesn't necessarily mean that you know Jesus.

Abide By the Rules...Most of the Time

Speaking as a former RA, please try to obey the rules, ESPECIALLY if student RAs are made to enforce them.  The RAs I knew dreaded confronting other students, but we signed a contract agreeing to do it.  Since you knew the rules before you agreed to go there, you were subjecting yourself to those rules. 

That being said, college is also about fun.  If you grew up in a strict environment and take things seriously and avoid getting into trouble, make sure you take time to have fun.  My husband's dorm made an indoor slip-n-slide down the hall (definitely against the rules).  I was late to curfew a few times (against the rules).  My husband was thrown in the lake after we got engaged (a college tradition, but still against the rules).  I drank alcohol during summer break (against the rules although I didn't know it at the time).  I made it through all four years without any demerits, but I wish I had been a little more relaxed about the rules and had more fun. 

So obey the rules.  But break a few.  But be smart about the ones you choose to break. 

You Will Be Stretched and Will (probably, hopefully) Change. 

And it's a good thing.  Admittedly having your beliefs challenged and then trying to figure out what you believe can be very uncomfortable.  It is easy to rely on the answers you've been given your whole life, but this is a time to study and question and learn.  

People Still Get Hurt.

Multiple Christian colleges are currently under investigation for mishandling sexual assault.
There are many Christian colleges currently under investigation because they dealt with rape incorrectly.  I beg of you: don't be naive!  Please don't assume that a student, faculty or staff member is safe because you are at a Christian college.

Christians Cheat and Lie and Steal.

Don't plagiarize.  Don't cheat.  Etcetera.  

Try Very Hard Not to Judge.

With so many rules, it's easy to use those rules as the markers for good and bad Christians.  Skirt an inch shorter than dress code?  Bad Christian.  Never skipped chapel?  Good Christian.  Beyond making judgement about someone based on their actions, sometimes we make them based on their theology, like this: Doesn't believe in a literal 7-day creation?  Bad Christian.

I hope that you'll come to a gracious and winsome place as a Christian.  Even if you hold tightly to your beliefs, I hope that you'll be kind to others, that you will actually listen to them and that you'll see Christ as our unifier.  

Once You Leave, All Bets Are Off.

One of my former cello teachers attended a university known for being one of the most conservative and most strict in the country.  While she loved her time there and was still very involved in the university, I remember her telling me that there was a very high divorce rate among the alumni.  She said: "They've never been given any freedom.  They went straight from a strict household to a strict college where they were told what to wear and when we go to bed.  They meet someone, graduate, and get married and suddenly realize they have freedom to do what they want."  In other words, don't confuse conformity with character.

The Chapel Stage is Not a Shortcut to Heaven.

Yeah, yeah, I know.  Everyone seems to be rushing to get up there to sing or play an instrument or pray.  The people on stage get noticed a lot.  If you do end up taking part in chapel, that's great!  But if not, it's okay.  You can be known for a lot of great things on campus without ever stepping foot on the chapel stage.

You Will Absolutely, Undoubtedly See UnChristlike Behavior.

You will meet many marvelous, godly, and sincere people.  They will encourage you and challenge you and make your college years wonderful.  But you will also witness unChristlike behavior from administration, from fellow students, from professors, and staff members.  I'm warning you so that you are prepared.  It is disheartening to watch, especially when you're at a college that you love so much.  But it is a good reminder that we are called to behave like Christ (not like other Christians) even when the circumstances are skewed.  

I hope that your first year at college is fantastic.  I hope that you learn and grow and have fun.  I hope that you make friends and make a few mistakes (and realize that you can get over those mistakes).  I hope you find a gracious, welcoming community for these next four years.

Love,
  Callie

p.s. If you're looking for more general college advice, you can read the letter I wrote to my younger sister upon her graduation from high school.

the liebster award - a way to discover new blogs

A few months ago, I started reading the blog All Things Life & Air Force Wife.  I've never met Livia, the blogger, but she was a new Air Force wife and the more I read, the more I wanted to read.  Last week, Livia was nominated for the Liebster Award (more about that below) and then chose five nominees, including me!

The Liebster Award is a way to discover new blogs and to share the blogs that you read.  When nominated, you are given some questions to answer.  Then you write your own questions and nominate 3-5 bloggers (who have less than 3,000 readers).  This isn't an official award...just a way to find new blogs and share the ones you love.

Here are the questions that Livia posted for her nominees, along with my answers.

1. What do you consider your greatest accomplishment and why?
   Finishing college on time, I suppose.  I got really sick my junior year and had a lot of talks with my parents and the doctors about staying home for a semester or two to figure out my health.  I chose not to and (with so, so much grace from people who made accommodations for me) I was able to go back that semester.

2.  What was your favorite item as a child?

   Hands down, my Cabbage Patch baby, Taylor.  Taylor now has a permanent place in our home among my son's toys (sitting right next to "Beary Bear" and "Little Baby").

3. Who do you consider to be your celebrity crush?
    Eh...I've never really considered it.  But after some thought and discussion with my husband, I've decided it probably a toss up between Brandi Carlile, Patrick Dempsey and Taye Diggs.

4. What is your favorite comfort food?
   Freshly baked anything (homemade) with a glass of cold milk.  Right now I'm dreaming about pumpkin cream cheese muffins and hand kneaded honey-wheat bread (but because of Whole30, I'm definitely not having anything like that for at least two weeks!).

5. If money was no object, what would you do?

   I would move my family to a different country every 2-3 years and settle down in a little town.  During the day, I would divide my time between exploring the city as a family, studying in beautiful libraries/taking seminary classes, volunteering in an orphanage and going to cooking school.  Along with about 30 other things.  ;)  I have big dreams!

  

6. What is the best piece of advice someone has given you and you would like to pass on?

  Oh man!  I have honestly considered doing a blog series about this subject!  I must just have a lot of awesome, inspiring friends/teachers/mentors because they've passed on so much wisdom.  Here's one of my favorites though, pertaining to Air Force life.

Marlena Graves was my RD in college, but she was much more than an RD to me.  She was a mentor and a friend.  She and her family are still so dear to me.  When Caleb and I got engaged, I was discussing the challenges of being married to someone in the military, especially when it came to moving often.  For instance, I really wanted to go to seminary (a GOOD seminary), but, of course, the Air Force isn't going to take that into consideration when they move us. :)

When Marlena and I talked about this, she said that it would be easy to use moving often as an excuse to not get involved.  Three years can seem like a short amount of time, but Marlena reminded me that Jesus' whole ministry was three years long.  Think of all that can happen in three years!!  I love that advice and, after living here for only a year and a half, we've gotten involved and gotten connected to people.  I'm glad that I had the encouragement to use our time wisely.

7.  What is the story behind your blog title and/or why did you start blogging?

   My blog title is a play on my last name (Glorioso-Mays) and the fact that sometimes you look back at your life and think about how you wouldn't have planned what happened, but sometimes that's a wonderful thing.  

I started blogging in college.  I was getting burned out writing papers all the time and just wanted somewhere to write for enjoyment.  Five years later, I'm still enjoying it although I wish I felt more free - I need to spend less time thinking about who isn't going to like my position on topics or how unqualified I am and just more time writing.  Analysis paralysis. 

8.  Are you a purse or shoe person?  Or neither?  Why?

   Shoes.  I guess.  If I had to pick one.  I definitely like shoes, but I am not the type of person who spends a lot of money on shoes or even has that many.  I just like them to be cute and practical (read: flats).

  

9.  Walmart or Target?  Why?

   Target, all the way!  Target is a suburban mom's paradise.  You can get food, household items and cute clothes all in the same place - AND THEY HAVE STARBUCKS!  Whoever thought of that was truly brilliant.

10.  Favorite vacation spot?

   That depends.  If we're going just to relax, I'd chose somewhere like my family's condo in Florida.  It's nice to have your own place, lay out on the beach and just enjoy your vacation.  On the other hand, I love to learn and see new places, so visiting a historical site or a city would also be fun (just more busy and stressful with a toddler in tow).

My nominees are:

Jordan

Melanie

Elizabeth

Erica

Livia (tagback)

And here are my questions for them:

1.  Congratulations!  You're now the owner of a new puppy!  What breed is it and what is it's name?

2.  What's your favorite reality TV show?  (Project Runway?  Anyone??)

3.  It's cold outside so you grab a mug and make yourself a cup of your favorite warm drink.  What is it?

4. You've been banished from the United States and have to choose another country to live in for the rest of your life.  What country would you chose and why?

5.  You've been given $5000 with the stipulation that you must give it away to a charity/someone in need.  Who would you give it to and why?

6.  It's Friday night and it's the end of a very hard week.  What do you do to relax and refocus?

staying organized during a PCS (part 2)

Last week I wrote about one of our tricks to stay organized during a PCS (move for the military), which was a big three-ring binder to hold all our paperwork.  Today I'm sharing another one.  After all, organization is half the battle during a move!

In addition to "Big Blue" (the 3-ring binder) we also have a Steno Pad (our last one was blue so, of course, we named it "Little Blue".  Stupid names, but they worked for us!).  As soon as we find out we're moving, I go buy a new Steno Pad and it stays with me for the next two months.  Here's why:

We document everything.

Seriously.

We document everything.

From the very beginning of our move, we take notes, compile lists, save phone numbers/addresses and more in Little Blue.

This sounds silly, right?  I mean, after all, it's the age of technology!  Of iPhones and tablets and who needs paper anymore?  Well, people in the midst of a move do!  :)

Like with Big Blue, it's about having the information you need all in the same place.  Instead of keeping track of packing lists, calendars, shopping lists, phone numbers and more, I just have to keep track of the Steno Pad.  If you carry a purse regularly, make sure you get one that fits in your purse so you don't lose it!

I can't tell you how many times we've written something down that we are SURE we'll remember, but we faithfully write it down anyway.  And it always ends up that we need it later.  The meme above is silly, but it's our exact philosophy when it comes to the Steno Pad!

Yes, this is a simple piece of advice, but it is so helpful!

Here's an idea of the things we wrote down with our last move:

• contact information (name, phone number/address) for anyone connected with our move.  This also included any estimates we got from companies so that we could easily compare later on.
• moving companies
• truck rental
• TMO office (the people who handle moves in the military)
• housing office at new base
• hotels along the road (including confirmation numbers)
• Caleb's sponsor at new base
• packing lists
• last items to pack at old house (e.g. bath towels, shower curtain, etc)
• items that travel with us in the car (e.g. cleaning supplies and plants)
• first items to unpack at new house (e.g. toilet paper, hand towels, soap, paper plates, etc)
• grocery lists/shopping lists
• a list of basic necessities to buy at new house (e.g. milk and eggs)
• meal lists
• plan basic easy meals like boxed mac and cheese that use basic ingredients so you start emptying your kitchen (especially refrigerated foods)
• to-do list (multiple copies updated frequently and perhaps organized in the following categories)
• by date (i.e. a mini calendar to take with you)
• by necessity (i.e. must be done TODAY)
• by person responsible
• by location (e.g. on base errands, new town errands, etc)
• cleaning lists (trust me, if you live in base housing you'll definitely need a list for this!)

That's just a sampling of the things that we wrote down while we were moving.  Trust me, spending $2 on a Steno Pad will be well worth it!  By the time your move is over, you'll be use to carrying around this notebook and a pen at all times and will be swearing by this method too!  ;)

Staying Organized During a PCS - Part One
Staying Organized During a PCS - Part Three

littlest sister's graduation

Littlest sister,

This weekend you graduate from high school!  I am so proud of you for getting through a hard and busy senior year!  You are strong and wise and ready for the challenge of college so I can't wait to see how your first year goes!  I wish that I could tell you these things face-to-face.  I'd climb in your bed with you and let you rest your head on my shoulder and then we'd talk all about the upcoming year.  Maybe we'll still get the chance to do that later this summer....  But for now, here is my advice to help you through your first year.

Love you dearly, my sister, and I admire your life.  Let's be friends always!!

Originally Posted on May 14th, 2010 for another sister's graduation

Jealously guard how you spend your time to avoid wasting time and burnout, yet allow your schedule to be under God’s control. Your time can be sucked away by being wasted (facebook, etc) or even by “good” things (ministry opportunities). Make time for the Lord, for sincere reading of Scripture, for listening to God, for homework, for ministry, for friends, for fun. Balance these and evaluate if you are making good use of your time. Don’t always measure your use of time by productivity. Stopping a homework assignment to listen to a distraught friend may indeed be the best use of your time at that moment

Become best friends with the library and the librarians. Doing homework in the       library will keep you from getting distracted. Plus, the library is kind of esoteric. It’s nice to be “in”

Find a mentor (older woman on campus/at church) and meet with her regularly (if you can’t find someone right away, ask around for suggestions). Be honest with them and have them hold you accountable

Spend a little bit looking for a church and then just pick one! No church is going to be perfect, so stop looking for it. Once you pick a church commit to staying there during your time at school and GET INVOLVED! They can become your second family. Get involved with music and with the children

Find families who you can be involved with. One of the greatest things I’ve been able to do is babysit for some young couples for free. It has been a huge blessing to them and it’s also good for singles to be involved with families. It broadens your perspective on life. As singles, we need to be investing in (and supporting) the marriages around us.

When you meet someone who seems like they really know Jesus, ask if you can meet them for coffee and hear their testimony

Choose thankfulness for the food. It might not always be your favorite, but it is a gift from God and someone spent time making it for you.

Don’t date for at least a year. Become friends (good friends) with guys, but keep it at that.

Be careful that you don’t encourage girls who have crushes. Think of Song of Solomon where Shulammith (the bride) says to the girls around her “Do not stir up or awaken love until it so pleases”. Encourage the girls around you to make good choices and have level heads. Listen to them, but don’t encourage obsessing over guys (that that boys aren't fun...they just aren't the "end all" of life).

Get to know your professors. Go up and introduce yourself on the first day of class. Stay in contact with them. If they are super cool (i.e. super wise), ask if you can meet them for coffee or a meal.

Avoid girl drama. Nip it in the bud if it starts among your friends. Don’t put up with catty actions and certainly don’t start them yourself. It DOES get hard to live with girls constantly, but that’s not an excuse for sin.

Spend time alone and outside. Grab a blanket and your Bible and spend an hour in a field (obviously I’m from a rural campus!!  You won't really have that option, but you could find a nice park or museum instead)

Get to know your RA and RD. Stop by and talk to them. Write them encouraging notes, etc.

Be careful what movies and TV shows you are watching. Evaluate everything based on Scripture and remember that wasting time is a sin as well.

Make time for a Sabbath each week. Set aside time alone with just you and God. Ignore your phone, homework, friends, etc. Begin this practice early on.

Be kind to everyone and try and get to know a lot of people, BUT realize that you don’t need to be open and honest with everyone. Choose your closest friends wisely.

Realize that you are going to make mistakes. It’s just part of life.

Don’t shy away from classes because you know that they are hard. Hard is good. You learn a lot more.  And (in my experience) the hard professors respect you more because they can tell you respect their subject matter and are working hard.

Spend time with people who think differently than you do (theologically, philosophically, politically, etc).Spend time listening to their arguments. Your views on things are going to expand and broaden at college – that’s good! It is a mark of maturity to be able to have an educated, calm discussion with people who think differently than you. Evaluate EVERYTHING (even your presuppositions) to see how the measure up against the Bible.

Look for the people around campus who don’t get notice (custodians, grounds crew, etc) and thank them for doing their job well. Show them that they are appreciated.

Enjoy these years! They go by so quickly.

When you get stressed and life feel completely overwhelming, take a break to clean your room from top to bottom, wash your sheets and wash your bath towels. Trust me. It helps!

And finally, DON'T FORGET TO CALL YOUR SISTER WITH UPDATES!!! ;)