on the eve of my wedding

Tomorrow my dress may get wrinkled.  My makeup might get smeared.  My hair may get messed up.  It may rain and we might all get wet.  The food or the decorations or the music might not be to the liking of all of the guests.  Because of my illness, my legs may fail and I might just not be able to stand the whole time.  After all my careful planning, some details may simply fall apart at the last minutes.

But guess what?

I don't care!!!!

Tomorrow I am marrying my best friend.

And that is enough for me.

May God be honored through the wedding and even more so through the marriage.

the perfect dress

There it was.

The.  Perfect.  Dress.

Three sizes too small.

The dress was discontinued, so there was no chance of ordering it in a different size.  The only option of buying that dress was buying it off the rack.  We held our breath as the sales clerk called the other stores in the state.  Perhaps, just perhaps, one of those stores held a matching dress in a different size.

No such luck.

There wasn't time to waste pining over "the dress that wasn't meant to be".  I tried on other dresses and went to other stores.  Eventually another dress was found.  It was more than I had hoped to pay and I wasn't completely confident in it, but it seemed like the best option.

Before settling on that dress, we decided to drive to the neighboring state, visiting several bridal stores in one afternoon.  The first stop was discouraging.  Was this trip even going to be worth it?  We prayed that we would find a dress and find it at a good price.


We walked into the second store hesitantly and explained that we didn't have an appointment.  The clerk was so gracious and kindly offered to help us anyway.  "Start looking, and pull out the dresses that you want to try on," she said, "I'll get a dressing room ready for you."

 We headed for the rows of white.  That's when she found it. 


 The.  Perfect.  Dress.

It was the same dress that we had liked at the other store.  Mom ecstatically called me over, but I was hesitant to get too excited.  It was still the wrong size.  "Just try it on!"  She encouraged, "You never know."  We continued browsing, calling each other over to look at dresses.  Soon I had four or five dresses and was being lead to the dressing room.

It was the first dress I tried on.  And surprisingly, it fit!  I walked out of the dressing room to survey the effect in the mirrors.  I turned my head from side to side, trying to see at all angles.

I loved it.

And...I soon discovered that it had pockets (one of the things I was hoping for in my wedding dress).

Wanting to be sure, I tried on the other dresses.  They were all pretty, but it was wasn't the same.  I looked at Mom.  "I think this is it."  Although she LOVED the dress, she was hesitant to say anything for fear of influencing me to pick something that I didn't like.  But that wasn't necessary.  I liked the dress on my own.  I didn't want to take it off to change into normal clothes.  It was one of the ridiculous moments that everyone talks about when you just know instinctively that this was the dress.  Honestly, I thought that was a silly, fictional moment that overly-emotional girls made up because they were trying to romanticize every detail of their wedding planning.  I guess I was wrong!

Standing in front of the mirror, I turned to ask the sales clerk the price.

"Well, its actually on a great sale."  She replied.

"How much?"

"$99"

"We'll take it!!!!"

the greatest threat...

I am so quick to spot it in others.  Yet I fail to see it in my own life.

When it does become visible, I make excuses.

It's a fundamental attribute error.

What I am learning is that my selfishness is destructive.

It is destructive in many areas, but one in particular.

As I prepare for marriage I spend time reading, writing, thinking, praying.

I want to protect us from all that threatens so menacingly.

But there is something that I cannot shut out.

It cannot be wished away or ignored.

What I am learning is that I am the greatest threat to my marriage.

It is only when I stop shifting blame and accept responsibility for my actions that this becomes visible.

If I allow it, my selfishness has the potential to choke and suffocate my marriage.

I need Jesus today and always.

He chose selflessness and through Him, I too can have that choice.

It will not be easy.  In fact, it will be completely contrary to my human nature.

But if each and every day I accept His grace, I can (slowly, painfully, haltingly) learn to die to self.

After all, the Christian life is simply a chance to die.

engaged. as in, getting married.

The day was April 13th, 2011.

The weather was sublime.

He asked. And I said, "yes!"

I received a stunning sapphire ring (I wanted something different from diamond. And I love my ring).

We spent a couple blissful hours enjoying nature, each other's company and dinner. Then we slowly began telling people, beginning with those closest and most important to us.

Together we are trying to savor these fleeting, happy moments. We haven't set a date or dealt with the "details" of everything yet. We'll start that soon enough. Tonight we're going to celebrate by dinner out at Thai 9 and spending some time thinking, praying and dreaming.

I am working to have the emphasis to be on the MARRIAGE, not the wedding. The most amazing wedding in the world means nothing if the marriage is weak. We are in desperate need of Christ as the center of our relationship now and always.

thank you for celebrating with us!