Quote

"There is no power like that of prevailing prayer - of Abraham pleading for Sodom, Jacob wrestling in the stillness of the night, Moses standing in the breach, Hannah intoxicated with sorrow, David heartbroken with remorse and grief, Jesus in sweat of blood. Such prayer prevails. It turns ordinary mortals into men of power. It brings power. It brings fire. It brings rain. It brings life. It brings God."

-Samuel Chadwick

accepting grace

The past couple of weeks have been exhausting. The majority of the stress has been related to health issues, but it just has seemed like I am failing in every aspect of life lately. I hate not having the energy to do my normal things...I hate not being around for the girls in my hall and for my friends...I hate having to miss classes and ask for extensions on homework...I hate feeling too drained to make it through the day...I hate being emotionally exhausted.

Yet I am slowly growing because of this. I am learning to accept the grace that Jesus offers, which is so humbling, yet so very refreshing. In addition I am learning to accept the grace that others offer and not feel guilty about it the entire time. It is so humbling to have others constantly serving and encouraging you. I cannot begin to express how much people have sacrificed and served over these past couple of weeks.

Accept grace.

Enjoy grace.

Relish grace.

Embrace grace.

Stop and thank Jesus for the grace that He offers and as you do, breathe grace to those around out and humbly accept the grace that they offer as well.

Journal Entry: Monday, October 5th, 2009

Thinking today about the Israelites and the hindsight bias that we have in regards to them. We read the Old Testament and see that God always came through for them. And yet, they had no idea what would happen. Like when they were leaving Egypt, they were trapped with the Egyptians on one side and the Red Sea on the other. There was seemingly no way out. And even if there had been a way out, the Israelites probably didn't imagine that it would come as it did. They start to panic and we (reading it thousands of years later) think, "Just wait for it...okay, in one, two, three..." and voila! The Red Sea parts and they are saved.

We get so stressed out over the events in our lives because we don't have the advantage of the hindsight bias. If someone looked at my life in about 200 years and read through my journal they would probably say the same thing: "Just wait for it!" God has a purpose in all that He does and He even uses my stupid mistakes somehow. Hindsight bias makes it so easy to see the hand of God and see that He has a purpose in each of the events in my life (or at least can change my mistakes into good) - Lord, help me to be faithful and steadfast despite not being able to see the hindsight bias.

Hebrews 11 is such a great chapter because of the hindsight bias. Yet as those individuals were going through each of those situations, I am sure that they were confused and asked the same questions that we ask today. "God, do You have a plan in this??" "Are You really there??" "Are You even listening??"

Questions

How do you become one of those people who simply exude Christ constantly?

Why does God begin to work in a situation and then (seemingly) stop working altogether?

How do you know God's will for your life?

When will I be able to invest in people as others have invested in my life?

Can you tell the difference between God-given passions that you should pursue, and desires that He asks you to give back to Him in surrender?

How do you remain faithful to people amidst continued hurt and how do you balance that with not being taken advantage of (i.e. various kinds of abuse)?

When I purely long to be with Jesus in Heaven, what purpose do I have for being here on earth?

How do you balance pouring out your life for others and being "spent" on their behalf with having healthy boundaries in your life and spending time alone to be refreshed?

These are some of the questions rolling around in my mind tonight as I prepare for sleep. It's fall break and I am allowing myself one delicious evening of "Sabbath" before I re-enter the world of homework, to-do lists and e-mails.

Beautifully Scarred

Sobs racked the body of the young woman. Her cries were the audible expression of the gaping wounds covering the majority of her body. Her torn clothing was not only ragged and dirty, but stained with blood as well. The tears falling freeing from her eyes seemed never ending. Unaware of anything going on around her, the small meadow where she lay because a temporary haven in her suffering. She didn’t notice the huge Lion enter until He approached and started gently washed her feet with His large, rough tongue. Instead of recoiling in fear, the girl was surprised and started. She noticed that as soon as the Lion’s tongue touched her wound, the bleeding stopped immediately. The tongue was as rough as sandpaper, but tender as well. “Oh great Lion,” she cried, “Heal the rest of me as well!”

The Lion’s healing tongue moved slowly, working its way from the girl’s feet, to her arms and finally to her face. The girl jumped up and ran to the small brook to gaze at her reflection. She shrunk back in surprise and dismay, not expecting to her a scarred, disfigured face looking back at her. “But…” she faltered, “I thought you were healing me. Couldn’t You have taken these scars away as well? I am so very ashamed of them….” Tears were her only consilation as the Lion disappeared into the forest.

The girl went back to her village and continued to live a normal life, but was always covered in robes and headdresses so that her scars were hidden.

Many years passed and no one in the village ever knew about the scars that decorated the women’s body. Then one day as the now elderly woman worked in the fields, her headdress came off and briefly exposed her scarred face. She struggled to quickly re-cover her shamed secret before it was noticed, but it was too late. One of the other women, a woman much younger than herself, spotted it. All daylong and all the next day she persisted in finding out why the wounds were so rejected and shameful to the elderly woman. Finally the elderly woman removed the head veil and clothing that for so long had been her security. She crudely told the story of the Lion and then waited for the cruel comments and questions to come from the younger woman. As she finished, she looked at the younger woman expecting to find rejection in her eyes or to hear a comment about her scars. Instead, the younger woman’s eyes were overflowing with tears. Her voice cracked as she sobbed, “Oh, what a good Lion is He!” Still sobbing, she removed her own tunic revealing a bandage, stained with blood, wrapped around her waist. She removed this as well revealing an obviously old, very large wound that had been festering for quite a while. Looking once again into the scarred woman’s eyes, she begged, “Oh please, can you take me to Him?”

From then on, the scarred women bore her scars with dignity and as a result, people saw not a wounded body, but a healed soul. Her life became a testimony to that great Lion, the gentle Healer.

Per The Request of Natalie ; )

Journal Entry

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

8:20 am

Jesus, brokenness has been on my heart and my mind so much in the past week. From the Nancy Leigh DeMoss book, the clay pot story, "The Hammer Holds" song, reading Jeremiah, going to the AA meeting. Let this Truth penetrate my mind and change me!

At the AA meeting I saw people who were broken. No excuses, no wiggling around the Truth, simply "Hi, my name is _________ and I am an alcoholic." This was no passive label (i.e. I struggle with alcoholism). They accepted full responsibility and named their sin. Oh Jesus, how many times do I blame others for my sin, trying to justify my actions? Brokenness is agreeing with God about the true condition on my heart. What if I started going up to people and introducing myself based on my sin? "Hi, my name is Callie and I am a liar, a gossip, selfish, proud, a whore with my heart"

Of course, there is a balance here because Christ died for my sins! Because of Him I can be defined by new terms (child of God, co-heir with Christ, bride of Christ). Yet in my life I know that I don't have a healthy view of my sin.

As the Puritans prayed O Lord, "Grand me never lose sight of the exceeding sinfulness of sin!"

One day when I stand before the Righteous Judge, I don't want be fumbling around for excuses or shifting blame.

Lord, brokenness is not a one-time lesson. It is a day-by-day choice. Jesus give me the grace to choose brokenness each day. May my life be a paradoxical beautifully broken life that forever emits a beautiful perfume that will tickle Your nose in delight and be indicative of true worship and humble adoration.

[No Title]

"I am of the opinion that busyness is a deeper threat to the soul than pornography ever was." -Gordon MacDonald