the best of the month: APRIL

Last month I started a series called The Best of the Month where I share my favorite articles and blog posts from the past month.  Each day I read multiple articles so when I come across one that I really like, I save the link.  At the end of the month I sort through all the links, divide them into categories, and share my favorite from each one.  Hope that you enjoy these reads as much as I did.


PARENTING

Jessica at Jessica Lynn Writes: Hope For My Military Child

This morning I was holding my newborn daughter, and for the first time I felt a twinge of sadness. She didn't choose this lifestyle. Her dad will deploy in the future and leave her for months at a time. Through her tears, I'll have to explain why he left and comfort her when all she wants is him. I love that she'll grow up experiencing new places, but it absolutely breaks my heart that she'll see her family's faces more on a computer screen than in person. 

This may be the life I chose, but I didn't necessarily choose it for her, so I hope I can show her the positive aspects of this military life and I hope they'll outweigh the negative just a little bit. I hope the friends we make across the world will become her surrogate family, giving her the physical hugs, kisses, and playtime when her real family is far away. I hope my husband and I will be a good example as parents so when he jets off for the sandbox she'll know he's coming back to a family bound by love. I hope, whether we move across the world or down the street, that she'll understand—as cliche as this is—that her home isn't defined by an address, but by where her heart is planted.

BLOGGING

Laura at Hollywood Housewife: Blogging is My Favorite: When I Blog

Your favorite bloggers - those that write well, post frequently, or photograph recipes, fashion, or crafts - are spending a lot of time on their blogs. They’re not squeezing it in during naptime. If they don’t have some sort of help...or kids in school all day, I guarantee you that they’re getting up extra early or working late into the night. Solid blogging takes a lot of time. The content itself takes hours, but then if you want anyone to see it you have to have a presence on social media, respond to reader and professional emails, and deal with various backend issues.

FEMINISM

Sandra Glahn at Her.meneutics: The Feminists We Forgot 

This "new woman" is not an invention of second-wave feminism either. Betty Friedan did not start the "woman movement;" Christians did. Motivated by the belief that men and women were made in God's image to "rule the earth" together, these pro-woman, pro-justice believers sought to right wrongs for those who had less social influence.

HEALTH

Eve O. Schaub at Everyday Health: Our Year of No Sugar: One Family's Grand Adventure 

 I wanted to see how hard it would be to have our family — me, my husband, and our two children (ages 6 and 11) — spend an entire year eating foods that contained no added sugar. We’d cut out anything with an added sweetener, be it table sugar, honey, molasses, maple syrup, agave or fruit juice. We also excluded anything made with fake sugar or sugar alcohols. Unless the sweetness was attached to its original source (e.g., a piece of fruit), we didn’t eat it. 

Once we started looking we found sugar in the most amazing places: tortillas, sausages, chicken broth, salad dressing, cold cuts, crackers, mayonnaise, bacon, bread, and even baby food. 

CHRISTIANITY

(I'm including two from this category because there were SO MANY amazing choices - I finally narrowed it down to these two)

Rebecca Wohl at Commission on Biblical Gender Equality: I Can't Change My Spots

I took her hands even tighter into my own and led her to a chair so we could talk. Her sweet spirit and kind words moved my heart, and I could tell we had more to chat about. 

“Well, after all these years of believing that women shouldn’t be in the pulpit, I just can’t change how I feel about that. But your – ,” she hesitated again.

I smiled again and tried one more time, “Sermon?”

 “Ok, for lack of a better word, yes, your sermon was really one of the best sermons I have ever heard, and it challenged me in my faith – imagine that, after 80 years of walking with Jesus.”

I was very humbled and grateful for her generous words, but wanted to push further…  “Ah, thank you so much! It was my true honor to bring God’s Word today. I’m so thankful that the Spirit ministered to you. So you are not sure if women should preach, but you think that maybe, I’m an OK preacher though?” I pushed further.

“Oh yes! The best! But that’s just you honey, I don’t know about any other woman out there.”

“So, if I’m a good preacher, and I am a woman, isn’t it possible that there are other good preachers out there who are women too?”

James Hoskins at Christ & Pop Culture: "God's Not Dead" and the Angry Atheist Professor: That Was Not My Experience 

...I’m concerned that the movie God’s Not Dead perpetuates a false stereotype: that of the bully atheist philosophy professor who is out to destroy every Christian student’s faith. I’m sure there are some of those professors out there. But I doubt that they are a majority. Even if they were, though, I don’t think caricatures and stereotypes are helpful. When we uncritically accept a caricature of someone, we become less gracious people. Instead, we become more dismissive, presumptuous, and defensive. We also become more likely to misinterpret an honest challenge to our faith as an “attack,” and react in a way that is less than winsome.

MILITARY

Kim at She is Fierce: The Sound of a Silent Doorbell

All I could do was wait to see if my doorbell would ring. 

When morning came and it hadn't, I received a phone call confirming that Dh was OK.

What I felt then was almost harder than what I had experienced the entire sleepless night.

 It was the guilt that follows that moment of relief.

Because it wasn't my love, but it was most certainly someones.

It wasn't my heart broken, but the hearts of 4 other families.

MY WRITING

What Kept Me in Church Was Communion

When my eyes locked into the lay minister’s and he said, “Christ’s Body, broken for you,” I believed him.  When I dipped that scrap of bread, humble yet holy, into the communion wine, it sent shivers down my spine.  “Christ’s blood, spilled for you.”  This was the Gospel, simple and true.

It wasn’t a fancy program or a new method to “reach my generation.” It was following the example of Christ when He said, “Do this in remembrance of me.”  And I did: I remembered Him.

When the cynicism of Christianity scabbed over my heart, the simplicity of the Gospel ripped it open again.  In my remembrance of Him, the offenses I held against the modern Church faded away.  

What is the best thing you read (or wrote!) this month?

Gossip is a Spiritual Issue

"I am a gossip.

I have spoken words about others that have been unnecessary, unkind and sometimes even untrue. I have painted others with verbal caricatures that have been unforgiving and unflatteringly. More times than I would like to admit, I have needed to beg forgiveness from God and others for my speech."

Today I'm sharing over my story over at RELEVANT magazine.  Read the rest of the article here.    

My Writing Process (a blog tour!)

I'm excited to share about my writing process today! I was tagged in a blog tour and, as I reviewed the questions, I thought they would be good for me answer and also fun for readers to get a glimpse into my head as I plan and write posts.  

I was tagged by fellow Air Force wife, Jessica of Jessica Lynn Writes.  I have been reading Jessica's blog for several years now (since before either of us had children!).  When I started reading her blog, they were stationed in Italy, which is one of the places we would love to be stationed some day.  Jessica's blog is one of my favorites and I read every post she writes!

The ladies I am tagging in this tour are fellow members of the Redbud Writers Guild, which I joined a few months ago and have found to be the most gracious and helpful group.  Julie Holly blogs at Peacequility and this post describes exactly how I felt when I first joined the Redbuds, although she says it much better than I did.

Jamie Rohrbaugh is not only a writer, but also a pianist who recently released a CD and you can listen to samples here.  I love The Weight of Glory, which is number seven.

I am moved by the writing and honesty of Melody Harrison Hanson.  Here's a line from one of my favorite posts:  "I am learning about boundaries, mostly that I am terrible with them. I do for others until I resent the doing ending up with no time to write or think or pray or sit with the Holy One."  You really should read her whole post though.

And now (finally!) to the questions!

(This picture wasn't posed and wasn't even taken with this post in mind, but I wanted to mention that on the left is a book written by another Redbud, Leslie Leyland Fields.)

What am I working on as a writer?

Consistency and Balance!  I struggle putting ample time into my blog when I'm also doing freelance articles.  I work painstakingly on the articles getting it just right and I'm glad that I do - I usually end up being very pleased with them so it is worth the effort.  However, I don't have the same attitude with my blog.  I don't agonize if I can't get a sentence just right.  I am not sure how to treat my blog writing as seriously as my freelance writing without getting bogged down.  

Also, I am working on taking myself more seriously.  I still haven't had the courage to call myself a writer aloud (other than to my husband!).  And I feel torn between wanting more time to write and (on frustrating days when I'm tired) just wanting to put my feet up and veg out to Netflix when my son naps.

How does my work differ from others of its genre?

I am not quite sure how to answer this one, but here's my attempt: I differ because I write broadly.  I don't fit into just one category. One day I write about military life, and the next about Christianity.  Then it will be a book review, a recipe, or a post about feminism.  I don't consider myself a mommy blogger (although I am a mama) or a lifestyle blogger (because I don't really write about everyday life) or a religion blogger (because I write many posts that don't contain a religious aspect).

Why do I write what I do?

Often I write to inform or help someone else.  My most popular post is a guide for PCSing, and I'm glad that people have found it helpful.  I'm also considering writing more on my erythromelalgia, not because I'm terribly interested in sharing more about it, but because there isn't a lot of information available about this syndrome - most doctors haven't even heard of it!  My few blog posts on the topic have generated a lot of traffic, which means people are looking for help dealing with the pain.  If I can help someone, I want to do it.

Other times I write to understand and to figure myself out.  My thoughts develop as I go through the writing process just as they used to when I journaled.

And, finally, I write to declare.  To be brave.  I write because there are things that I want to say, but I don't know how to say them aloud.  I'm always afraid that when someone meets me after reading my blog, they'll be disappointed by the real me.  I'm not particularly eloquent in person.... 

How does my writing process look?

On my phone I keep a list of ideas for blog posts.  That way wherever I am I can hurry and write it down before I forget.  Right now I have about 15-20 ideas on the list, which seems to be pretty standard.
I try to use the weekends to plan the posts for the upcoming week.  In the picture above you can see my calendar hanging behind my computer.  That's where I keep track of blog posts, guest posts and proposals.  It gives me a good visual of how many times I've posted and what type of posts they have been. 

Usually I try to have at least two posts written on the weekend so they're ready to go.  The night before they go up, I review them quickly.  Then I spend Monday and Tuesday working on posts for the last few days of the week.  I should clarify that this is my *goal*.  It doesn't always happen this way and sometimes (like last week) I end up scrambling to post something at the last minute or publishing something I just wrote.  I prefer to have posts written ahead of time so that they can sit for a few days before I review them and post them.

When I'm writing an article, I start by outlining what I think it will look like and then start filling in.  It usually ends up very different from the original. :)  The writing itself is not usually too difficult, but the editing is painstaking.  I review it countless times.  I read it aloud to myself.  I make other people read it for me.  It is a long process that I actually adore.  All my finicking and fussing is rewarded when I am able to find the right word or get the paragraph just-so.  

Tell me about your writing process?  Do you have any tips for me?

When Numbers Define Us.

(photo source Chrisoph on Flickr via Creative Commons license)

Last year I had a startling revelation.  In the course of one week, I had casual conversations with seven different women and noticed that every single one of them mentioned wanting to lose weight.

It made me a bit sick.

This wasn't a unique week and those women weren't unique either.  These are the same words I have heard my entire life from all different women.  And they are the same words I have said many times.  I had simply started paying attention.

This is the narrative we know as women, isn't it?  If we follow the social script, we should always be talking about how we are trying to lose weight.

But I am tired of this narrative and I'm throwing away that script.

I am disgusted because we are doing this to ourselves and we are doing it to our children.  Our daughters are learning the patterns that they will repeat: to despise their bodies and focus on their numbers instead of their strengths.  Our sons are learning that women's bodies should always be smaller.  Smaller, smaller, and smaller.  They are learning that women should take up as little space as possible.  This is dangerous for all of us.

When we live focused on losing weight, we have already lost.

I want to make better lifestyle choices because of what I gain, not because of what I want to lose.

I want to make better food choices because it makes me feel better.  Because my body function best when it has the proper fuel.  And I want to exercise so that I will be stronger and more agile.

Instead of trying to shrink the number on the scale, I can focus on gaining energy and strength and a clear mind.

Is it just the number on the scale, though?  Or do I let other numbers define me?

Last week I watched several popular bloggers engage in a Twitter conversation.  They were discussing ways to get more followers and being more effective bloggers.

I was shocked.  Truly.

In my mind, these ladies had all "arrived."  They have written books and spoken at conferences.  They have had large companies as sponsors.  They have thousands of followers.  Their platforms are the type that no-name bloggers that me can only dream of.  And yet...they were all still looking for more readers and ways to be better bloggers.

I don't blame them for wanting more readers.  This is the truth of social media: It is all about the numbers.

As much as writers hate it, our platform matters.  It is all a game of how many followers and likes and page views and retweets we can get.

But when numbers are king, no one wins.

There is never a correct number.  Never, ever, ever.  You will always want more (or less).  You will always be focused on the next number.

I, too, fall into this trap and play this game.  But I know this to be supremely true: Humans cannot be quantified.

My worth has no correlation to the number on the scale or the number inside my waistband.  My value is not measured by the number of comments and page views I receive.

And so, my friends and my sisters, can we please stop with this game of numbers?  Can we rewrite the social scripts for our children?  Can we live in the freedom that numbers don't matter in life?

The Day I Was Published. (And Why I Need to Get Thicker Skin)

Two weeks ago I had my very first article get published at RELEVANT.  It is such a tiny step in a lot of ways - there are so many wonderful writers in the world who get published all the time.  But this first time was special to me.  It was special, but it was also a bit crazy and scary.

It was a very normal day.  I did laundry.  I ran to Target.  I got a migraine.  I picked up the toddler's food off the floor.  I skipped writing to huddle in bed watching Sherlock and tried to get rid of the shakes that accompanied the migraine.

But at the same time I was watching the article and seeing as people read it and responded.  It absolutely astounded me to see my words valued and see that my story resonated with people.

Most amazing to me was the fact that men (PASTORS, even) shared my article.  I know it is silly since I'm both a feminist and an egalitarian, but it is still a surprise to me when Christian men think I have valuable thoughts and bring something to the table.  That's sad, right?  I so deeply want my (imaginary) daughter to grow up feeling valued and important in Church and to know that her words matter.

When the article went live, I knew, of course, that I would get negative comments.  What I didn't know is how much they would sting.  I didn't know that sharing my story gave people permission to comment on my marriage and my life and make assumptions based on what they read.  But that's what they did.

A few days after it was published, one of the negative comments was still bothering me.  Every time I thought about that comment, it was as if those words were being etched into my heart.  I cried in the car, feeling vastly misunderstood and mostly worrying about the negative words affecting my family.  My husband had read and approved the article before I submitted it because I knew that this story wasn't just about me.  But had I made the right choice in sharing our story?  

As I drove, I kept listening to Aubrey Assad's song "I Shall Not Want" and the line where she asks to be delivered "from the need to be understood."  It resonated with me that day as I just wished I could sit down with those negative commenters and tell them all the bits of the story that didn't fit in the article.  I was sure they would understand then.  I needed them to understand.

The image of the negative words being etched into my heart wouldn't leave my mind.  But then, in an uncharacteristic Charismatic moment, I felt God tell me something.  I was suddenly sure that those words weren't allowed to remain on my heart and burn their way into my life.   My identity is found in Christ and he has already told me what he thinks of me.

I know that the more I wrote, the more negative comments I will receive.  And I also know that I need to let them go.  Writing has connected me to God and has been a way for me to "work through my salvation with fear and with trembling."  Writing has connected me to people, both other writers and people who have resonated with my story.  And, truthfully, I've always been a writer in some form or another.  In the past it has just been in the form of journals.  I am healthy and happy when I write.  And that is the reason I continue to write.

I'm a Redbud!

Earlier this week I found out that I was accepted into the Redbud Writers Guild, a collection of Christian women bloggers, authors and speakers.  I am thrilled!  I had applied a few months ago and hadn't heard back so I assumed I hadn't been accepted.  When I got the email, my excitement was immediately followed by the most profound sense of humility.  Just by looking through the short biographies, you can tell that this is an incredible group of women who are gifted in communication.  I'm a beginning writer so I know I have a lot to learn from them.

That's what drew me to the Redbuds in the beginning though - I was told that members are at different levels as writers and this group was created to encourage and nurture each other.  After just a few days, I can tell that this is a special group of women and I'm excited to learn from them.

I'd love for you to connect with more Redbuds via the website, Facebook or Twitter!

On the Tenth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me...

Happy tenth day of Christmas!  We're counting up to Epiphany (the twelfth Day of Christmas for those of you not familiar with the liturgical calendar) because our little family is exchanging our Christmas gifts on that day.  But my husband's main gift to me was ready today and I couldn't wait to start using it.  He brought it inside this afternoon so I could get it all set up.

(still missing two knobs that are back ordered until next week)

I've been wanting a desk for awhile and checking Craig's List semi-often since I knew we didn't have the money for a new one.  Last week I emailed a few people about desks and ended up going to see one.  It was homely and worn, but I knew it could be improved.  So we brought it home, painted it red and added blue knobs!

I had no plans to have a red desk - the color is still growing on me.  I wanted a pale turquoise or coral, but when we decided to use spray paint (to speed up the process), I was limited on colors.  The desk is definitely a "pop" piece now - the first thing you notice when you enter the room and I do like that.  I'm still working on turning the area around my desk into my own.  I'd like to add a lamp and perhaps some more decorations.  But it feels freeing to have a space to myself.

The last time we talked, my writing mentor encouraged me to take time for myself - time away where I could focus and meditate and read and write.  I am still working on that.  But I think having a space to do that is one step in that direction.

The desk also inspired some Christmastide organizing, which is probably the best gift I could give my husband!  After I was filled the drawers, I started pulling things out of a nearby closet, purging most of it and redistributing the rest to its proper home.  And then I moved on to another closet dreadfully in need of some organization.  

All around, I feel like our home has become more abstractly spacious today.  It felt good.  

who do you read?

Who do you read when you're trying to find the right words?

Which authors make you murmur "yes!" aloud as though you're sitting there having a conversation?  Or cause you to underline ferociously and annotate in the margins?

This summer I read Shauna Niequist's book Bread and Wine and I still haven't recovered.  I felt understood.  And the way she strung words together was magical.

Lately I've been struggling to write.  When I do get the time to sit in front of my computer, the words don't come out.  So I'm going back to the basics, going back to reading.  When I know I'm not writing well, I can at least be reading well.

So I'm going to my bookshelf and pulling out the authors I love.

Am I crazy?  Who do you read when you need inspiration?

Six Reasons I'm A Bad Blogger

Many bloggers write post about how to increase your readership and they almost all say the same thing. Post lots of pictures!  Post multiple times per week!  Choose a topic and stick with it!  Comment on other people's blogs!  And they all end by saying, "But remember: be true to yourself.  Write for yourself and not for others."

Today I'm doing the opposite.  Instead of sharing how to get more readers, but writing about the reasons why I'm a bad blogger (at least if you compare my blog to the list of what you're "supposed to do").

1.  I don't post regularly

Take this week, for instance.  I've been really sick so just waking up, caring for my son and doing my day-to-day activities has been more than I can handle.  There hasn't been extra energy for me to write.  Blogging is pretty low on my priority list at this point, which I'm sort of conflicted about.  One the one hand, I never want to be more involved in an online life than in the lives of the people I see on a daily basis.  However, there are many days when I have a post floating around in my head and I wish I just had time to sit and type it out.


2.  My blog is too broad

I'm too opinionated to be a lifestyle blogger.  I'm not talented enough to be a food blogger.  One day I post a recipe and the next a book review.  I write about Christianity and military life.  I write about parenting and chronic illnesses.  For awhile I considered narrowing the focus of my blog, but again, I decided that I wanted to be free to write about whatever I wanted.  This probably "harms" me as a blogger, but since I'm not in it for the accolades and mostly just for fun, I like having the freedom to write about whatever is on my mind.


3.  I don't (usually) proofread

Ah!  This one kills me.  I wish I had more time to proofread.  I wish I had more time to write posts ahead of time and schedule them a week or so in advance so I could take time to think them over and rewrite.  But this stage in my life is not compatible with lots of quiet, thinking time.  If I start obsessing and overanalyzing over posts, I would never post anything.  Yes, I'm sure that anyone reading this already KNEW this point before I mentioned it.  ;)


4.  I don't post enough pictures

Most of the pictures I take are of my husband and my son.  Those go on our private family blog since we try to keep Hadden's life a bit separated from this blog.  Many bloggers find pictures online and simply cite the source.  I've done this a few times, but it makes me hesitant because I've heard very different opinions as to the legality of using pictures without express permission by the photographer.  Which means this blog is sadly picture-less most times.


5.  I'm too timid

Sometimes I don't post because I know it will offend someone or because someone will take something personally.  Other times I've already read so many different takes on the same issue and I'm not sure the issue needs to be rehashed anymore (read: Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus at the VMAs).


6.  I'm not going to kiss up to other bloggers

I love to read other blogs and I try to comment often because I know how much bloggers appreciate comments.  However, I try to always comment because I either have something to add to the conversation or I really did appreciate their post (or want to encourage them).  Everyone has a different approach, of course, but personally I don't feel right about commenting just to get attention.  The flip-side of this is that if I HAVE commented on your blog (or if I follow you), it means that I am sincere in my appreciation for your words.


So there it is.  I'm a bad blogger.  But I'm a happy blogger.  It works out in the end.






ALSO:  Today Kristen Howerton from Rage Against the Minivan is partnering with Shot@Life.  For every comment left on her blog post today, a vaccine will be donated to a child at-risk for diseases most of us have never even seen.  Please go leave a comment.  If you're unsure how you feel about vaccinations, I'd strongly encourage you to read this other post by Kristen.