the missing toothbrush

Getting ready for bed I notice my husband moving things around in haste and searching through drawers and cupboards in the bathroom.

"What are you looking for?"

"My toothbrush!  I think Hadden had it again."

As he moves into the bedroom to check under the bed, I have a faint recollection of where it might be.  As usual, our toddler hung out with me as I got ready that morning and, as usual, he rifled through his father's toiletries.  I silently retrieve the missing toothbrush and place it in his drawer, where he's already looked several times.

"Have you looked in your drawer?"

There were a few moments of silence before I ask again.

"Darling, have you checked the drawer?"

"My drawer?  You mean where I always put it?  Of course I checked there."

He paces into the bathroom and opens the drawer, grabbing the once-missing toothbrush at once.

"...alright...where was it this time?"  He seems reluctant to hear my answer.

I don't respond because I'm busy trying to muffle my laugher in a towel.

He looks around the bathroom suspiciously.

"Was..." he begins at first, "Did he leave it on the floor of the shower?"

I try to suppress a rueful smile as he waffles between annoyance and amusement.

"BRUSH SIDE DOWN?!"

I wait a moment before responding diplomatically, "I'll buy you a new toothbrush tomorrow, dear."

the happily-ever-afters they don't mention in the fairy tales

A highlight from this weekend:

The baby was finally down for a nap.  My husband and I were collapsed on the bed in the throes of food poisoning.

"There's no one else I'd rather have food poisoning with."

"Me neither."

oh, happy day!

To my love,

I'm so, so happy to be celebrating our anniversary today!  Love is complicated and marriage even more so, but I'm glad we're figuring this out together.  :)  This year I hope that we continue to learn to love each other more sacrificially.  Thank you for being so kind and patient.  Thank you for encouraging me to follow my passions and enabling me to serve others (and serving alongside me).  I'm thankful for each day I get to spend with you!  I'm glad that for our wedding we decided to memorize our vows and that we still remember them and can look into each other's eyes as we recite them.  Today I'm looking forward to a wonderful day with you and also looking ahead at another adventurous year!

  Love,

    Callie

"I would do it for you, for you

Baby, I'm not moving on

I'll love you long after you're gone

For you, for you

You will never sleep alone

I'll love you long after you're gone

And long after you're gone gone gone"

day 614

dear mr. mays,

Happy day 614 of marriage!  :)  Most people write letters like this on anniversaries or birthdays, but I decided that EVERY day with you is worth celebrating.  So why not write you a letter today?

Marrying you was the best decision of my life.  That is NOT saying that the last 614 days have been perfect.  There have definitely been days when we've argued, when we miscommunicated and when we've hurt each other.  There have been days when we question why life seems so hard or why certain things have happened to us.  But even through the hard times, I'm glad that we're on the same team.

My love, I so appreciate you.  You come home at the end of the day and listen to a rundown of all the blogs, articles and books I've read that day and you actually engage in conversations about them.  Thank you for encouraging me and enabling me to get involved as a Key Spouse in the Air Force including helping me make and deliver the meals.  You are gracious and kind and you are an example of selflessness.  Sometimes you surprise me at how well you know me - it shows that you care to see me thrive, not simply survive.  You're a wonderful father to baby Hadden too and watching you two together makes me exceedingly happy.

can't wait to see what the next 614 days together hold!

love,
  miss glorioso (-mays)

on blogging and marriage

**written sometime last month

I lay here in the dark thinking of the wonderful parts of marriage.  His hand caresses my bare shoulder and he softly plants a kiss on my cheek.  I am filled with gratitude for this man who loves me dearly even in the moments when we drive each other crazy.

I hesitate to write these things because I know that we are only in the beginning of this journey.  I know that there will be days when marriage is so frustrating and difficult and we look at each other and think "Where in the world is the person I married?"

But I write all the same.

In college, my professors said that when a couple was having marital problems, one technique to help is to get them to remember how they fell in love.  

I write so that Mr. Mays and I can retrace our steps if we get lost.

One day the inevitable will happen and Mr. Mays will be called away into the wild, blue yonder to serve our country for months on end while I hold down things at home.  From all accounts, deployments are one of the hardest time for a married couple.

 I write so that we will remember our connection when we are far apart.

It is easy to let each day slip by unnoticed and unappreciated.  I must work to keep my heart pondering and keep my actions intentional.

I write to keep a record of the fleeting days and, hopefully, to keep myself accountable to live them fully.

While we say that we have a lifetime together, the truth is that neither of us knows how long "a lifetime" really is.  It could be that we spend sixty years together that are both good and hard.  It could be that one of us is taken tomorrow without warning and that these days together were shorter than we ever imagined.

I write so that we will have a memorial.

We're bringing a baby into this crazy world in just a few months.  Life is unpredictable.  In all likelihood, the little man will grow up with both of us there.  But what if he doesn't?  Will he know us? How can we leave a mark on the little life we created if something happens to us and he is raised by someone else?  Even if we are there through his entire childhood and into his teenage/adult years, he won't remember what we were like at this stage.

I write so that one day he will have a glimpse into our lives and will have a chance to know us in a different way.

Mostly, though, I write so that I will remember God's faithfulness.  So that I can look back and see how He has gotten me through and how He promises to get me through the next hurdle in life.

I write because I have spiritual amnesia for which the best cure is reading my history and acknowledging His perfect faithfulness.

i'm smiling today because of this.

Today I'm working on a wedding album for our house which means I've been looking through all our pictures again.  Can't stop smiling.  :)

opposites attract: we are a testimony

My husband's description of the last three days: "She's had a touch of a headache."

My description of the last three days: "I was on the verge of death!!!!"

Now granted, I am probably exaggerating...slightly.  But I ASSURE you that I have had much, much more than "a touch of a headache".

prayer for our marriage

We've recently starting saying this written prayer along with our nightly spoken prayer.  I hope that as the words become embedded in our minds that the Truth would be embedded in our hearts and that our actions would reflect those changes.

O God, who hast so consecrated the state of Matrimony that in it is represented the spiritual marriage and unity betwixt Christ and his Church; Look mercifully upon [us] thy servants, that [we] may love, honour, and cherish each other, and so live together in faithfulness and patience, in wisdom and true godliness, that [our] home may be a haven of blessing and of peace; through the same Jesus Christ our Lord, who liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Spirit ever, one God, world without end.  Amen.

**Taken from The Book of Common Prayer: The Form and Solemnization of Matrimony

Journal Entry October 25th, 2011

Disclaimer:  You might not understand this post.  I'm not asking you to.  :) 


"Talk to me," he says.

The words don't come.

But the tears do.

My heart and my bathtub are full.  There are words I wish to say.  And yet, I can't.

He takes my hand.  And the tears come again, for a new reason.  This man, this husband of mine is infinitely patient and kind.  In the words of another, "he is more patient with me than I am with myself."

I retreat again into my journal and my books and my Bible.  He stays near, but gives me the space to simply be.  I look over.  He sits at the kitchen table with his Bible open, seemingly unaware that I'm watching him.  My eyes go back to my papers.  Out of the corner of my eye, I see him glance up to check on me.  We sit silently.  Each of us half-engaged in our books; each pretending that we don't realize the other one watching.  It's a delusional game.

The gulf between us seems oh-so-wide.  It's not anger or frustration.  We didn't get into a fight.  We're just learning what it means to co-exist.  And learning that God is working on that other person so we need to step back and let Him work.  That's hard.

I bridge our emotional-Grand-Canyon by taking the few steps from the couch to the kitchen table.  He looks up with bright eyes, hoping that I'll have words to explain.

I don't.

As he wraps his arms around me, the tears come again.

I cry because I hurt.  I cry because I am loved and yet so undeserving of it.  I cry because I'm aware of my shortcomings and how un-Jesus-like I am.  I cry because this-thing-called-'marriage' is smoothing out all my rough edges and I know that I still have so much further to go.  I cry because this world is not my home.  And I am so very ready for the world that is my home.

He loves me.  Of this am sure.

And I'm pretty crazy about him too.  ;)

the greatest threat...

I am so quick to spot it in others.  Yet I fail to see it in my own life.

When it does become visible, I make excuses.

It's a fundamental attribute error.

What I am learning is that my selfishness is destructive.

It is destructive in many areas, but one in particular.

As I prepare for marriage I spend time reading, writing, thinking, praying.

I want to protect us from all that threatens so menacingly.

But there is something that I cannot shut out.

It cannot be wished away or ignored.

What I am learning is that I am the greatest threat to my marriage.

It is only when I stop shifting blame and accept responsibility for my actions that this becomes visible.

If I allow it, my selfishness has the potential to choke and suffocate my marriage.

I need Jesus today and always.

He chose selflessness and through Him, I too can have that choice.

It will not be easy.  In fact, it will be completely contrary to my human nature.

But if each and every day I accept His grace, I can (slowly, painfully, haltingly) learn to die to self.

After all, the Christian life is simply a chance to die.