on blogging and marriage

**written sometime last month

I lay here in the dark thinking of the wonderful parts of marriage.  His hand caresses my bare shoulder and he softly plants a kiss on my cheek.  I am filled with gratitude for this man who loves me dearly even in the moments when we drive each other crazy.

I hesitate to write these things because I know that we are only in the beginning of this journey.  I know that there will be days when marriage is so frustrating and difficult and we look at each other and think "Where in the world is the person I married?"

But I write all the same.

In college, my professors said that when a couple was having marital problems, one technique to help is to get them to remember how they fell in love.  

I write so that Mr. Mays and I can retrace our steps if we get lost.

One day the inevitable will happen and Mr. Mays will be called away into the wild, blue yonder to serve our country for months on end while I hold down things at home.  From all accounts, deployments are one of the hardest time for a married couple.

 I write so that we will remember our connection when we are far apart.

It is easy to let each day slip by unnoticed and unappreciated.  I must work to keep my heart pondering and keep my actions intentional.

I write to keep a record of the fleeting days and, hopefully, to keep myself accountable to live them fully.

While we say that we have a lifetime together, the truth is that neither of us knows how long "a lifetime" really is.  It could be that we spend sixty years together that are both good and hard.  It could be that one of us is taken tomorrow without warning and that these days together were shorter than we ever imagined.

I write so that we will have a memorial.

We're bringing a baby into this crazy world in just a few months.  Life is unpredictable.  In all likelihood, the little man will grow up with both of us there.  But what if he doesn't?  Will he know us? How can we leave a mark on the little life we created if something happens to us and he is raised by someone else?  Even if we are there through his entire childhood and into his teenage/adult years, he won't remember what we were like at this stage.

I write so that one day he will have a glimpse into our lives and will have a chance to know us in a different way.

Mostly, though, I write so that I will remember God's faithfulness.  So that I can look back and see how He has gotten me through and how He promises to get me through the next hurdle in life.

I write because I have spiritual amnesia for which the best cure is reading my history and acknowledging His perfect faithfulness.