October seems to always be a high pain month, probably because it's when the weather turns cold. It was three years ago this month that I first got sick. At that point I knew that something was wrong with my body, but I didn't know it would be forever. Every day for the last three years I have been in pain (to one degree or another). Of course, by now it has become "normal". Whereas I struggled every day in the beginning, I manage fine most of the time and it's only the really bad days that knock me off my feet.
Unfortunately these last few weeks has been full of hard days. It's been high stress all around lately and the fact that we haven't slept through the night in two and a half months doesn't necessarily help. Life just feels hard.
These days enveloped in pain remind me that this earth isn't my final home; that this wasn't God's original plan for the world. Why am I so quick to forget this? God intended for us to live in a Genesis 2 world, free from sin and pain. Instead we feel the weight that the Genesis 3 curse has left. While we train our eyes to look for beauty and find joy in every day, we can't help but recognize that the world is still broken.
I am left searching and unsatisfied by this world. But I have hope in a life yet to come where 'my faith will be my eyes' and I will be whole and healed.
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