Saturday, October 23, 2010

on days when the pain is inescapable...

Today the pain is inescapable. My physical pain has been really intense this week, nauseating at times. And moreover, I continue to see brokenness all around me in my own life and in the lives of others. Life is hard. But it doesn't do any good to stop there. I have been commanded to not complain (Phil 2:14).

So...here is what I do on days (like today) when the pain is inescapable. This list is not exhaustive. And my human responses are not perfect. But here's how I'm handling today.

-I shut the blinds, turn down the A/C and crawl under the covers hoping that at least the migraine will leave

-I choose humility and accept the wheelchair and an offer to push me to dinner

-I journal, collecting my thoughts, my prayers, my fears, my thanks.

-I pray for him, this man God has blessed me with

-I "feed on His faithfulness" (Psalm 37) and remind myself how He's always been faithful

-I press repeat and hear Christy Nockel's sweet voice reminding me of the simple truth that Jesus Loves Me in the form of a lullaby.

-I prepare to take my girls to the women's event on campus and pray that it will open up good conversations

-I update my gratitude journal

-I preach the Truth to myself (like Psalm 103)

-I remind myself that my life is all about dying

-I thank Jesus for the chance to minister and love on these girls He's placed in my hall and the friends that surround me as well

-I hold my Bible tight, my fingers caressing the tear-stained pages and force myself to be re-amazed at the Gospel, which I often take for granted.

-I thank Jesus for adopted little sisters (you know who you are!!) who fill in when my own can't be here

-I sent texts of love to my baby sisters and tell them how proud I am of them

-I confess my sin, acknowledging and agreeing with God about what it is and refusing to put pretty labels on it or make excuses

-I pull out a favorite devotional and see how saints through the ages have endured

-I delight in the fact that I'm going to Heaven where I will see Jesus (Rev 21-22) and all will be right.

3 comments:

  1. 1st I love you.

    2nd I am thankful that you have gifted me with that same beautiful devotional!

    3rd I am continually encouraged by you.

    4th I love praying for you friend, it truly is my joy!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Not to completely copy what Kate said, but honestly Callie, I love you so much. You are so dear to me and I am always amazed at your response to suffering. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful example for an older sister.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Callie,

    This is very insightful, and it demonstrates some of the wisdom that comes from suffering, from sharing in Christ's sufferings. It encourages the church. Hang on to all these writings. Stash them somewhere where you can easily access them. They will have nourishing value beyond these days, nourishing value for many. Perhaps you can send them to some that are struggling when you meet them along life's journey. Perhaps, they'll be the seeds of a book.

    Love you,
    Marlena

    ReplyDelete

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