Nebraskan Skies

 Some days I am pretty hard on Nebraska.

After all, we were supposed to be overseas right now.  And although we've built a lovely little life here, I can't help but remember our plans to live in Europe and spend the weekends exploring new cities.

The winters here are long and cold.  The wind is fierce.  The landscape turns grey.  Grey slush on the roads.  Grey dried-up lawns.  Grey skies.

Grey. Grey. Grey.

But then a day comes when you walk outside and gaze up, mesmerized.

The sky that has been grey for so long now seems impossibly blue.  The clouds perfectly white and fluffy move along at a snail's pace.  

I crink my neck to stare up at it.  I feel small in the most wonderful way possible.  It is as if the sky threw open her arms to reveal all that she has been hiding these dull, winter months.  She is tired of the complaints and the grumbles she has been getting so she is finally going to show off what she has.

"Fine, Nebraska!"  I yell at the heavens, "I'm sorry for saying so many horrible things about you!"

The sky is big.  I am small.

I take a deep breath.  It is as if I've been half-breathing all winter long and, just now, I'm actually able to inhale properly.

The calendar told me that spring arrived some days ago.  But today the sky is telling me with much more certainly than any calendar could have: spring is here!

 

p.s. all these images actually were taken in Nebraska.  I told you!  Mesmerizing!

30 by 30

I try to be intentional with my life.  I want to make it count and make the most of it.  One way I've been intentional lately is by setting goals, specifically, 30 goals to reach before I turn 30 years old!

I haven't compiled all 30 goals yet, but I thought I would share a few of the ones I have chosen so far.  Here there are:

1.  Have five articles published

     - Honesty in a Culture of Church Taboos (March 2014)

2.  Write 10 entries in my journal for my son

     - entry completed Feb 2014

     - entry completed March 2014

3.  Complete a 5K with my husband and my son

4.  Spend time alone at a monastery or retreat center

5.  Pay for a stranger's meal

6.  Complete another Whole30

     - We're starting one next week!  If we finish it, this goal will be completed in May 2014

7.  Take a writing class

8.  Read 50 books

     - I Am Hutterite (March 2014)

     - Cold Tangerines (April 2014)

9.  Write five guest posts for other bloggers

10. Learn to make my friend's amazing tostadas

11. Travel overseas as a family

12. Travel to two new states 

I have a few years to complete all these goals (and to finalize the rest of the list)!  You can see that I have a variety of goals - some health related, others personal, and others focused on writing.  I've also tried to quantify them as much as possible (e.g. 'Read 50 books' instead of 'Read more often').  

Would you ever consider doing 30 by 30?  Do you even make goals?  I'd love to hear which ones you've set (and ones you have reached!).

Pets and Military Life

My toddler son adores dogs.  He is absolutely head-over-heels in love with any dog he meets.

My husband never had a dog growing up, but since we met he has told me how he always wanted a dog named Spot.  (I was completely annoyed that he wanted to name his dog Spot because I thought it was completely unoriginal.  I still hold to that argument.)

We thought about getting a puppy.

But...we're a military family!  We want to live overseas and know that it can be a big hassle to get pets overseas as they need special shots and (depending on where you go) they have to be quarantined for several weeks.  I know that when my husband deploys I want to be free to travel to see family without having an extra living being to worry about.  The bottom line was that we knew we wanted to be 100% committed to a dog before we added one to the family and we aren't sure that it is the right time for us.  Still I knew how happy dogs made my son and I wanted to capitalize on his excitement.

We found a compromise.  We fostered a darling puppy for a couple weeks.  He was, of course, dubbed Spot.  A couple of weeks of fostering was just long enough to remind me that I am absolutely NOT ready to commit to a dog longterm this year.  Whew.  Between the puppy and the toddler I used an inordinate amount of paper towels those two weeks.

Spot has since found a forever home (and we've gone back to sleeping through the night).  But our experience has made me wonder about pets and military life.  Is it a good idea for military families to have pets?

A week or so before Spot arrived we acquired a Beta fish from a family PCSing overseas, which is just another example of pets and military life not being the best fit.  Still, I would hate to tell my children that they could never have pets because of their dad's career choice.  And having a pet may be comfort and constant in their lives that will routinely be "interrupted" by PCS and deployments.

So now I'm asking you: What have you decided about pets and military life?  Do you have any advice for us??

Fort Hood.

(Photo by Josh Plueger of Offutt AFB on Flickr via Creative Commons license)

Our thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected by the Fort Hood Shooting.  As Americans and as a military community, we grieve with you.

"Fort Hood Gunman Was Being Treated for Depression"

It scares me to see headlines like that.

It scares me because I'm afraid this will only increase the stigma surrounding depression and that people will avoid getting help because they are afraid of being labeled.

Please.  Get help.

There is no shame.

Scenes of Church

(Photo from Avidly Abide on Flickr via Creative Commons license)

"Bashing the Church is in."

I read that line last week and I have kept turning it over in my head.  I'm not sure how I feel about it.  In some ways, I suppose it is "in" to bash the Church, if that's what you want to call it.  Some people might even categorize my own writing this way.  But I don't think this "bashing" is always wrong.  Honest critiques of the Church have helped it to grow and change in good ways.

Some of these critiques have come from voices that were formerly voiceless, including women and racial minorities.  As these groups have spoken up, it has been beautiful.  Together we are achieving a more robust and honest version of the Church.

Other critiques are coming from those who have been hurt and, yes, even abused in the church.  People are realizing for the first time that they weren't the only one.  That they aren't alone.  They are standing up, crying for justice, and calling for change.  Again, beautiful.  And necessary.

Yet I know what that comment was getting at.  Even though I believe that there is a place for critiquing the Church, I want to be sure that I am celebrating the Church as well.

***

After I receive my communion wine and bread, I slip out the back door and to my son's classroom.  We're always the first ones to pick up our child because we love bringing him into "big church" with us for a few minutes.

As I enter the auditorium again, communion has ended and our Church is on their feet singing.

The song at the end is always my favorite, no matter which song we're singing.  Perhaps it is because we've just finished communion or because we just heard a compelling sermon.  But I think it might have to do with the fact that my son is there.

I love holding him in my arms and singing out.  I love seeing his eyes dart around the auditorium to see friends and to watch the musicians on stage.  I love standing together as a family and worshipping.  I love living out my faith in front of my son.

***

It is just a living room.  Yet something holy is happening there this night.

"We need help."

The words are simple, yet honest.  We rally around our friends.  We corral them in love.  We pray over them.

I stand far off, keeping an eye on the little ones who have wandered into the kitchen in search of mischief.  But as I look up, I see it:  the Church.

This is what the Church looks like.  A tangle of people, surrounding those who are weak in this moment.  Our small group isn't always this way, but tonight, tonight I can feel it.  Something is happening here.  I am glad to be apart of it.

***

That night six women came together from six different days and six different lives.  It was a "come as you are" night - as long as who you are was carrying food or wine.  Usually we meet with husbands and children, but tonight it was just us.

We filled our plates, then went back for seconds.  We finished the wine and had to search for more.

We sat and talked for hours, the conversation weaving together many topics.  We talked about parenting and marriage and dating and courting.  We talked about hurting for someone and about being hurt by someone.  We spoke.  We listened.  We disagreed at times.

I said I was leaving and, over an hour later, I finally made it out the door.  As I drove home that night I thought about these women and their families and how we've gotten to know them over the past year.  Together we've broken bread, babysat children, gone through trials, celebrated accomplishments and birthdays.  We are a small part of our local church which is an even smaller part of the universal Church.  But, together, we are the Church.

***

Sitting with a friend while our toddlers play, toys strewn around the room.

I am honest.  Deeply, vulnerably, embarrassingly honest.

She listens, then talks, then prays.  She is an agent of Christ as she ushers in healing.

It doesn't look like Church.  But it is Church.

***

I reach for my phone and try to discreetly take a picture.  Again.  And again, it doesn't turn out like I planned.

Our Church is taking communion and I want to capture the beauty of these sacred moments.  People stream from their seats and approach with outstretched hands to receive the Eucharist.  And it is b e a u t i f u l.

A picture could never do it justice.

***

Today I'm celebrating scenes from Church.  Do you have any to share?

The Best of the Month: MARCH

Each month, I'm collecting my favorite posts from around the internet and on the last day of the month, I'll be sharing them here.  Some of these are posts that I deeply resonate with and others are ones that made me think or reconsider.  I'll also be sharing my favorite thing I've written this month.


CHRISTIANITY

Zack Hunt at The American Jesus: Complementarianism: The Church's Segregation Problem

"The language may be slightly – and only slightly – different, but at its core complementarianism is little more than the church’s sanctified version of Jim Crow. 

Like its segregationist forefather, complementarianism is a deceptively eloquent way to keep one group in power (men), while marginalizing another (women) based on an accident of birth (genitals). Where once minorities were “separate, but equal,” now women are “equal, but different.” It’s segregation in the name of Jesus. In the name of the very Christ who shattered the gender divide, women are kept separate from the pulpit, separate from leadership in the church, and separate from leadership in the home."

MILITARY

Kim at She Is Fierce: War is Over (And I'm Not Ready To Reflect)

 "You might tell me of the cost of the war, and how it wasn't worth the lives 

And you will look at me with pity, and you will tell me that I must be so grateful to know he doesn't have to go again. 

You may tell me all of this not to be hurtful, but because you assume it must be true. 

And I won't tell you that you are wrong, because what you think I should feel makes more sense than what I do. 

I will assume, because I am just as set in my thoughts and ways as everyone else, that you don't actually want to hear what it really feels like. 

It really feels like defensiveness. 

Because every time the news reports on how useless it all was, well it seems like that is somehow a personal attack on what my family gave up, which was a tiny sacrifice compared to what other families lost."

PARENTING

Sarah Bessey: In which I don't mind if my tinies see me on the computer

"I don’t feel guilty taking them along when we get groceries or pay bills or drop off library books or help others or any other of the chores and tasks and work that goes into running this little family. 

Maybe my prairie kid work ethic is showing. My grandpa raised our clan to know that truth: work is honourable.Now I’ve rounded that out with the belief that work is also a gift from God, part of our heritage as co-creators with God. Particularly when our work – paid or unpaid – is personally fulfilling, an act of creativity or beauty or usefulness. What a gift to be able to work! 

So, is it a shameful thing for a mother to work on the computer while her children are present? Nope. 

Not only is it not damaging to my tinies to see me – gasp! – working on the computer while they’re here, I believe it’s downright good for them."

RECIPE

Christy at The Girl Who Ate Everything: Swig Sugar Cookies

(Technically these were posted in February, but I didn't make them until March.  Still, SO GOOD!)

WRITING:

Dorcas Cheng-Tozun at the Redbud Writers Guild Blog: Why Writing Terrifies Me - And How That's Changing My Life

"But for me, being a writer is also terrifying. And it is for that very reason that I believe God has called me into it. Like so many things in life, he is using this to both bless and transform me. In particular, he is challenging me to lay down three powerful idols that I have clung to for most of my life: people-pleasing, achievement, and perfectionism."

MY OWN WRITING:

Honesty in a Culture of Church Taboos at RELEVANT magazine

"Churches preach the benefits of living in community, yet we somehow forget that living in true community is guaranteed to be messy and complicated. While we talk of authenticity, Church often remains a place where you can’t be honest. 

Church should be a place muddled with honesty and real-life messiness. And it should be a place where a shame-filled person can find relief. It should be a place where shame loses its power."

What was the best thing you read (or wrote!) this month?

Honesty in a Culture of Church Taboos

"Two pink lines. When my husband and I saw them, we imagined all of our plans and dreams fading away. First came anger and then, swiftly, relentlessly: shame.

I was pregnant.

To others, our situation looked ideal. We were young, relatively healthy, and my husband had a steady job with full benefits. And we had wanted children.

Just not yet.

Who could we talk to?

We recoiled from Church, feeling isolated by our lack of joy. We didn’t want to wound couples that were unable to conceive by voicing our disappointment over this baby, so we kept our mouths shut and our sorrows to ourselves."

Click here to read the rest of this post at RELEVANT Magazine!